You're Fired!

'You're fired!'...the phrase made famous by the reality show "The Apprentice"...and two words you never want to hear.  So imagine how my heart stopped for a second this morning when my boss walked into my office and said, 'so...I understand you've been fired.'  Of course, I realized very quickly if that had been the case, it wouldn't have been handled in such a manner, but still my mind raced in a million directions for just a second or two.

After talking to a few people, I was able to put together the full story - one that amazed not only me, but the person who made the original off-handed comment when he found out how far it had gotten out of hand.  It was never meant as anything mean-spirited, he just didn't want to inform a third party about the real nature of a conversation he was having.  When that person was persistent in asking, he jokingly said 'they let Toni go yesterday.'  She expressed shock, so he quickly recanted, admitting he was just kidding. Apparently that portion of the discussion didn't register with her. 

Come Monday morning, she asked other co-workers if they'd heard the news about me.  That knowledge set off a firestorm, leading to a check of my Facebook status to see if there was any mention of the incident (everyone knows it's not official until it's on Facebook!), and then my boss was consulted.  A few minutes later, I arrived at work and my boss entered my office with the above-mentioned pronouncement.

James 3:5-6 says "It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell." (The Message)

 Guarding our tongues is something most, if not all of us, struggle with.  For example, it's easy to use a prayer request as a means of gossip..."you should really keep Helen in prayer - her son was just thrown in jail."  As my pastor once cautioned - if you aren't part of the problem or the solution, you shouldn't be talking about the situation.  Good advice.

It's also easy to say things we regret when we're in the heat of anger.  James 1:19 cautions against it this way: "My dear brothers, take note of this.  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." (NLT)  Your mother may have used the phrase mine did - 'you have two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you speak.'  All of it is wise counsel.

Even said in jest, the words spoken by my co-worker very quickly stirred up quite a commotion.  Amusing in the end, as we traced back how things went wrong and where they got out of hand, but the momentary gossip they created could have been hurtful or harmful. 


So, no, thank God, I wasn't fired today...but I saw quite clearly how the tongue has the power to take the smallest little comment and wreck havoc. 

Devouring Locusts, Devastating Loss and Divine Love

Joel 2:25  The Lord says, “I will give you back what you
lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.  It was I who sent
this great destroying army against you.

I hate insects.  If it crawls, it might take some time for me to muster up the courage to kill it, but I can generally dispose of crawling critters without help.  Hopping bugs are another matter - hopping spiders, crickets, grasshoppers...unpredictable little stinkers I'm afraid will hop on ME definitely elicit a scream and a cry for help.   Then there are the  'swarming' bugs.  Annoying ones like gnats and  mosquitoes to painful or potentially deadly insects like wasps, hornets and bees.  For them, I've got a shot of Raid from a distance!  Ugh!!

But the Bible mentions one insect I've only encountered in the "proverbial sense".  Locusts.  Frankly, before reading Joel, I had no idea there were so many KINDS of locusts...and one sounds more repulsive than the next!  Swarming locusts, hopping locusts, stripping and cutting locusts!  Just the description makes them sound terrifying, dangerous and ruthless!

Locusts make their Biblical debut in Exodus as one of the plagues on Egypt when Pharaoh hardened his heart and wouldn't let the Israelites leave.  Pretty much with the exception of them being listed on the menu of John the Baptist, they are always mentioned in connection with destruction.  In fact, did you know that as winged adults, flying in swarms, locusts can be carried by the wind hundreds of miles from their breeding grounds?  These flying lawnmowers can grow up to 6 inches long, and when they land, they devour all vegetation. 


I can't even imagine what it would be like to live through something like a swarm of locusts...I get nervous just watching Alfred Hitchcock's movie "The Birds"!  And yet, in some ways, I have lived through a swarm.  There have been times when I felt my life was like a field of desolation in the wake of a locust invasion.  Everything appeared to have been eaten. Just like the Biblical description, the locusts came in waves.  When I thought it was over and there was something left to harvest, the next wave came in and took more from me.

The swarming locusts came early - as a result of poor choices in young adulthood - an abortion and a rocky, unhealthy, unequally yoked marriage.  The hopping locusts came in things I had no control over - the death of my mom, the loss of my job.  The cutting and stripping locusts came to glean the fields of the stubble...separation and divorce after 31 years of marriage.

One day, in the midst of all the infestations and devastation, I found Joel 2:25 and clung to the first half of the verse with everything in me.  "I will give you back"...some translations say "I will pay you back" or "I will restore the years the locusts have eaten."  I took that to mean that God would rescue me from my misery.  That He would give me a man who loved me, perhaps financial security, happiness.  But today, I look at that verse differently.

Just recently I saw I'd been missing an integral part of that verse - the last part that says, "It was I who sent this great destroying army against you."  Ouch!  Why would He do that?

Some might argue those locusts were punishment for sins committed on my part.  Although I've long since asked forgiveness for those things which were in my control and believe forgiveness was granted, I also know there are consequences of our sin and we must live with those.  On the other hand, one could bring up Job and all that he suffered without sinning.  It could simply be because we live in a fallen world and this side of heaven we will always have to deal with pain and suffering.  Regardless of the reasons why, the important lesson is that God, in His divine love, used those devouring locusts and that devastating destruction to teach me, mold me, and grow me into the person I am today. 

And these days, that's what I think it really means to have the years restored.  I walk with God like never before in my life.  I've been restored to wholeness.  I have not fleeting happiness, but lasting joy.   God uses all those experiences to give me a way to relate to so many others.  I don't know if there will ever be a man in my life or enough money to live comfortably.   But I do know I've counseled young women on avoiding or dealing with bad relationship choices and the unseen scars of abortion.  I can empathize with those who have lost a parent or a job and share with them how God helped me move on from grief and reinvent myself in the job market.  And I can encourage someone going through divorce so they know they can recover and move on.

Through the CommunityConnections ministry I head up in my church, God allows me to share His vision of restoration for lives in our community that have been devoured and devastated as well.  This is how the years have been given back to me.  I am learning and teaching, I am productive and joyous, I am a living testimony to God's restoring grace and divine love.

Wild Goose Chase

Dictionary.com defines a wild goose chase as "a wild or absurd search for something non-existent or unobtainable."

A friend of mine gave the "wild and absurd" portion of this definition a whole new meaning.




Thing is, she wasn't chasing the goose in this scenario...it kind of chased her.

She was driving across a bridge that connects New Jersey to Pennsylvania. It's very narrow and the speed limit is only 15 mph. All of a sudden, a goose flew into her car.

No, it didn't hit her car...it literally flew INTO her car from the open passenger side window!

Somehow, with the wings of the bird beating against her in panic and her young daughter screaming in fright, the car did not spin out of control and the goose flew out the driver side window.

Upon its escape, the bird held up traffic on the bridge as it stood squarely in the middle of the two lane span getting everyone's attention.

My friend's status on Facebook received, not surprisingly, over 3 dozen comments - from the concerned "are you all right?" and  "Did he hurt you?" to the comical "Did you duck?," "At least your goose wasn't cooked" and my personal fav "Affflllaaccckkk!".

Everyone including the goose escaped unharmed, but the incident reminded me of a book by Mark Batterson: "Wild Goose Chase."

Part of the book intro reads “Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit–An Geadh-Glas, or ‘the Wild Goose.’ The name hints at mystery. Much like a wild goose, the Spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. And while the name may sound a little sacrilegious, I cannot think of a better description of what it’s like to follow the Spirit through life."  

This particular goose certainly provided an element of danger and unpredictability! 

The intro goes on to say "most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: Adventure.”

Some people assume a Christian life is boring...that we have 'no fun.' I guess they figure we sit hands folded, back straight, sucking on lemons all day.

Nothing could be farther from the truth!  When you follow God's lead with full abandon, He will take you places you never thought you would or could go.

I've seen modern day miracles and answers to prayer, and these days, I live life expecting God to show up in a big way and He never disappoints. Honestly, there is nothing boring about life when God is on the move.

A life without God IS a wild goose chase...a pursuit of everything but obtaining nothing. But a life with the Wild Goose is one that pursues and achieves. It taps into the unseen, not the non-existent.

Are you ready for adventure?

To be sure, when the Wild Goose enters the picture He will mix things up and the ride will be unforgettable.

You will stop traffic and people will take notice.

You'll want to share what's happened with your friends because the whole thing is just so unbelievable.

There may be an element of danger or at least a hint of unpredictability because living a life with the Wild Goose behind the wheel takes the control out of your hands.

Are you ready to let go and follow the Wild Goose?

For the Love of Money

I never considered myself materialistic.  I don't strive for a bigger house, better car, new wardrobe.  In fact, I've lived in a one bathroom, no-frills semi in the city for 25 years.  I drive a 14 year old vehicle.  My closet is mostly filled with hand-me-downs from family and friends - nice stuff, but the majority of it is not new.  I've always said I don't need a lot of 'things'...that as long as I can pay my bills on time, I'm happy.  But am I really?  

What got me thinking about materialism was a blog I read yesterday.  The blogger quoted from "Radical" a book by David Platt:  "Is materialism a blind spot in Christianity today?"  The blogger felt it was.  In his status, he asked this question: "Can the love of God and money coexist?"  He felt it could not.  Then he made his case with Luke 16:13 which says we “cannot serve both God and money”.  I confess, I walked away from that read feeling a little self-righteous.  I mean, maybe Christianity as a whole struggled with materialism, but not me.  I'm always giving...I give out of my need. (Can't you just hear me beating on my chest praying "Thank you God I'm not a sinner like THAT person??)

Let me back up for a minute.  About a year and a half ago I read "The Externally Focused Church" by Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson.  I was convicted that neither I nor my church were doing enough to reach out to our the community.  I went to my pastor who agreed.  What began with about 3 or 4 people coordinating a church-wide food drive has blossomed into a team of a dozen heading up monthly projects from serving meals at the Salvation Army to refurbishing and decorating a local family shelter.  We've also begun to develop relationships at the shelter and God's hand of blessing has been evident.  My church family doesn't just open their pocketbooks anymore...they leave the building to get involved in people's lives.  In an effort to stay in touch with residents moving out of the shelter and into new living quarters, we present them with a housewarming gift basket filled with medical, hygiene and cleaning products as well as a Bible and information on the church.

In the summer, many of our church families are away on vacation, and donations tend to slow down.  Still, someone had moved out of the shelter, and a basket had to be filled.  So after reading the above-mentioned post, I went shopping.  Problem was, it wasn't with a spirit of joy in giving...it was with a spirit of grumbling.  I complained about the time it ate up on a weekend.  I complained about the money it cost.  I complained and grumbled to God all day long.  "You know I don't have any money for this.  You know I've been asking for donations for weeks now with barely anything coming in.  I can't afford to put all this out of my pocket."  And on, and on, and on. 

God listened all day, and finally He had enough.  He brought to mind all the money I'd spent on myself that week.  Lunch out with co-workers.  Dinner with a friend.  A trip to the movies.  A haircut.  How much had I spent on myself that week?  Maybe $100?  About what it would cost to purchase the essentials for this family coming out of a shelter and settling into a home.  Shame on me.  Honestly, $100 on myself in a week really is a huge amount and not the norm.  But still, I did it and didn't have a whole lot of guilt about it at the time.  "I work hard.  I do a lot of 'good things'.  I deserve to treat myself once in awhile."  Those were the thoughts that went through my head when it was for MY enjoyment.  

That got me thinking about materialism.  I give myself a "pass" on that label because I don't covet the 'big stuff'.  I'm not a workaholic trying to earn money at the expense of all else to support an extravagant - or even very comfortable - lifestyle.  But rather than look at how God has blessed me with enough to keep a roof over my head, a working car, food on the table and a job I love, I tried to hold on to the little I had left and grumbled when I had to share.  If that's not materialism, nothing is.  You see, it doesn't really matter how much we earn.  If we love money more than God or more than doing what God asks us to do with it, it doesn't matter if it's .02 or $2,000,000 dollars.  If we go before Him with a clenched fist rather than an open hand, it's sin.

I told that other blogger I felt the key to that verse in Luke is the word 'serve'.  If money is our master, no matter how large the funds, I agree, our hearts will grow cold to God.  But if we serve God and recognize that all our money is His, given to us as a tool to do good for others, well, then, money becomes the servant in the hands of the Master. 

What saddens me most about yesterday was that I could have been blessed by what I did.  I could have given with a cheerful heart knowing that as God had blessed me, I was being a blessing to someone else.  Instead, I made myself miserable.  I felt shallow, empty, and devoid of joy.  I pray I remember that the next time I'm called upon to serve God by using money for its intended purpose...I pray that I really won't be materialistic.

Water Damage - Handle with Prayer

The plumber is coming today...and that... is a really good thing.  It's an answer to prayer for sure.  You see, for months now, I've had issues with the pipe leading out of the tub in my bathroom.  At first, it drained slowly, so I did everything I knew how to do to get things moving.  I bought a 'zip it' tool to try to pull out the clog.  Nothing.  I poured Drano down the pipes to dissolve it.  No change.  I bought a snake and tried to clear the clog.  It got stuck on a metal 'crossbeam' over the drain complicating matters.  I won the tug of war to get the snake out, but nothing more.  A friend's husband came over and tried to plunge it.  Nada.  I even tried someone's home remedy of "baking soda followed by vinegar, followed by boiling water...and plenty of it."  Nope.  Eventually, the water stopped draining altogether.  That meant that if I took a shower, I had to bail the water out of the tub and into the sink.  On top of everything else, the pipe apparently leaks, because it's been causing damage to the wall and ceiling in my dining room for quite some time.  Awesome.

At some point, I broke down, called my ex, and asked him to take a look.  This did NOT help matters.  He looked, found the piece of pipe with a crack in it and removed it, then said it probably required a plumber to replace it.  Brilliant.  Now not only was the pipe still clogged - beyond the piece he removed - but I could no longer shower and bail because a piece of pipe was missing.

Now you may wonder why I waited so long to call a plumber.  Money, or should I say the lack thereof, was one of the issues.  I kept thinking that there was an easy, inexpensive way to get past the problem.  But there wasn't. In addition, I live in an old house and there is a lot that needs fixing.  Before the 'total clog' made the tub of primary importance, I was stressing over which issue to fix first - and of course, how to pay for any of it.  That's when I went to my 'mountain of God'. 

"Mountain of God" is the name I've given a long, climbing driveway that leads to a church next to my job.  When I'm having a bad day, need to clear my head, or need to pray during the day, I go to the mountain.  So a few months back, I took my confusion and frustration over all that was overwhelming me with the house and brought it before the throne on the mountaintop.  By the time I was done praying, I was clear about what to do first...take care of the plumbing - and call a specific rep that I work with to arrange it.  I called that rep and a plumber was contacted.  The fact that it seems the whole of this huge (we're talking thousands) job is being done without cost to me beyond some materials like wood, tile and sheet rock is nothing short of miraculous.  The praying that went on over those negotiations is stuff for another blog.

Back to that plumber though...his assistant arrived on June 22nd to check things out...and yes, today is August 3rd and at the start of this post I said the plumber is coming today...finally.  Let's just say that during these past 6 weeks - which have sported the hottest temps on record for New Jersey - those who work with me or come in any kind of contact with me, are really grateful I can go to the gym and shower without fear of drainage issues.  Actually, that's another upside to this story.  After a year of struggling to go to the gym with any consistency, this 'crisis' has caused me to go pretty much daily.

Now that the plumber has been called in, the extent of the damage is clear.  It's going to take a few days to fix.  What might have been a relatively inexpensive job will run thousands because of a long period of neglect.  I saw evidence of water damage some time ago, but didn't have the wherewithal to address it.  It wasn't until the problem backed up into the pipe on the surface and I was forced to deal with it that I took action.  And now there are consequences.

Reminds me of the way we are sometimes with turning our problems over to God.  We try and try to work things out on our own.  Everything in our feeble human arsenal is pulled out to deal with the issue which, left 'unprayed' over, gets bigger, more serious and ultimately more costly until we finally call in the Expert.

Sometimes we think problems are too small to bring to God...we'll just use a "zip it" or some Drano and, no big deal, it'll go away, problem solved, no God interaction needed.  Wrong.

Then when things look like they're getting away from us, we start turning to others to take a plunger to the situation - 'pray for me' we say...not a bad thing in itself, we are supposed to support each other in prayer and I ask for prayer often.  But asking others to pray over a situation you haven't brought to God yourself isn't strengthening your faith.  God is certainly able to act on the prayers of others, but usually there's a lesson in bringing things to Him that we'll only learn when that dialog is one on one.  We've all got a direct line and God wants to hear from us. 

Finally, when the damage is obvious, when it has risen to the surface and has become abundantly clear that only God can fix the problem and clean up the mess, we bring it to Him.  By then, it may have become so widespread that reconstruction is necessary.  Stuff has to be taken out of our lives to get to the heart of the problem...and rebuilding needs to occur.

I'm grateful that God is merciful enough and big enough to fix the problems, but how much easier would my life be if rather than ignore, or wait, or fret about what I can't do on my own, I went straight to Him every time?  And how much smoother would my life run if I didn't have to deal with the fallout and consequences of that delay in going to God? 

It's great that a consistent trip to the gym came out of this trial, but I don't want to make consistency in prayer a result of crisis.  And I'm getting better at that, making prayer a first defense instead of a last resort.  But every once in awhile, I slip into old habits and reach for the Drano.

Yes, the plumber is coming today...and that, is a very good thing.