Draining My Patience

If there's a Christian "inside joke," it's that you never pray for patience.

You don't ask for the "p" word because the only way to gain it is to be put in situations where you're challenged to learn it!

It's a discipline, and no one ever learned a healthy habit without putting it into practice over and over.

Romans 5:3-4 puts it this way "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience and experience, hope:" (KJV).

Those same verses in the NIV read "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Now, I don't know about you, but whether they're called tribulations or sufferings, I tend not to "glory" in them.

In fact, quite the opposite.

I've often said "okay God, take away this trial. I've learned all about patience, so hurry up and move on to the next lesson!"

All kidding aside, the Bible mentions patience often as an attribute we should strive to attain.

Proverbs 14:29 reminds us "Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly."

Patience is also one of the ways we are identified as God's children. Colossians 3:12 says "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

So why all this talk of patience today? Because mine is being tested. 

Or more appropriately, as the title suggests, drained.

If you've followed this blog at all over the past 2 months, you know I had major surgery April 2nd. Miraculous surgery actually. A number of medical professionals came in to view the end result curious because they'd never seen it before.

I agreed that I would find it fascinating too if it were only someone else.

Well, that's not entirely true.

It really is fascinating and I'm a walking testament to God's handiwork in the human body.

At the same time my breast surgeon was performing a double mastectomy, my plastic surgeon was removing tissue from my lower abdomen to use in the breast reconstruction. Because it's a long, complex surgery - 8 hours on average although mine was 9 1/2 due to the discovery of a second vascular system on one side - not many doctors and hospitals perform it.

There are many upsides with the DIEP flap procedure - it doesn't mess with stomach muscles like similar surgeries; the breasts, made with my own tissue, will behave like a "body part" changing in size with weight gain or loss and never need to be replaced like implants; my body could have more easily fought off infection if it had been necessary with no threat of having to remove a foreign body; and since the tissue was taken from the abdomen, a tummy tuck was the silver lining in the grey cloud of a cancer diagnosis.

Truly, God gifted whoever conceived of such an intricate surgery with all the cutting and reattaching of blood vessels and tissue, as well as those skilled enough to perform it.

But back to patience.

At the conclusion of this surgery, 6 drains were inserted into my body to remove excess fluids that if left inside could lead to infection. Two were removed after a week, another two after the second week, and one after the third week.

I was a little bummed that both hip drains weren't removed that third week, but I had every reason to assume the last would come out the following visit.

Except it didn't.

Nor the week after that, or the week after that.

I am 7 weeks post surgery and I'm still "tethered" as I've come to call it.

And my patience is draining along with everything else.

It's uncomfortable. The pinch can stop me dead in my tracks if I move the wrong way or tug at it by mistake.

Advance planning is necessary in order to use the bathroom or to take a shower.

And "sleeping," aka catnaps/dozing continues on my back because I have to favor that side.

I'm literally and figuratively tired. Tired of the inconvenience, tired of the annoyance and occasional pain, just. plain. TIRED!

My emotions have swung from disappointment to depression to resignation.

I know it's what's best for my health. I know it's removing stuff that has potential for infection.

So why is it so hard to be patient?

Let me stop right here for a second to say I wrote all this on Monday, but then something else happened.

Monday evening, quite by accident, I somehow tugged on that tube a little too hard. By the following morning I knew a trip to the doctor was in order and I called the emergency number. They told me to come in right away.

Suddenly, all I wanted was for that tube to stay in. To do its job. I was concerned about what a premature removal might mean to my health.

Please God, let them be able to do what needs to be done to leave it there!

Funny how one small incident can change our perspective.

I read something today that said "Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting."

I was given a situation in which to learn patience and I was blowing the attitude big time. I had prayed for it to be gone, but God said "not yet" and that wasn't good enough for me. And so He changed the circumstances to work on my character building a little more.

My friend, your patience-draining situation probably looks very different from mine, but it's still a trial and attitude is everything. I wish I could say learning patience is a lesson you don't have to relearn, but too often we have short memories and need a refresher.

May God grant each of us the ability to live out Romans 12:12 each day. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."