The Despair to Prayer Chronicles - Part 1

I've been going full throttle again, concerned about how I'll keep my head above water as we enter the busy holiday season.

With back to school needs behind me; coat drives, food drives, Thanksgiving and Christmas loom in the not too distant future. And all of that is on top of day to day responsibilities.

I  can sense feelings of becoming overwhelmed creeping up. I'm feeling a little desperate but I've also walked this road long enough to know I need to be securely plugged into God's presence to make it through.

Yesterday, I recalled this series I wrote 4 years ago this month. As I read through it, I nodded my head in the affirmative - after all this time, I remembered the experience well.

All those years ago, I felt like I was going down for the third time until I was able to lean on the strong arms that pulled me out.

I don't want to visit that place of desperation again, but I can feel the water rising so I know I need to make a move to my knees.

Are you feeling a little desperate today? 

Join me in revisiting my journey from despair to prayer. I think it bears repeating, and I pray you'll find the same encouragement I did re-reading it. It's a 6 part journey and I'll share one entry each day this week...


Two weeks ago, I wrote to a friend..."The demands of every day existence are just too much...I'm really feeling inept.  I just can't make it all work.  I feel like I'm letting everyone down, dropping the ball and I don't want to pick it back up.  I don't want to help another soul.  I'm done.  I just don't know what God wants me to do.  I feel so empty...so far from God, and too tired to pray.  I'm ready to throw in the towel and tell everybody to just go away."

Perhaps you really need to know me to understand how foreign those statements are.

I'm the one who's always smiling...always helping someone...always socializing...always talking to God throughout the day.

"No problem" is my motto.

So what on earth was going on?  I was obviously tired...more like exhausted.  Sometimes my 50 year old body has to remind my brain that regardless of what IT thinks, I am NOT 25 anymore, and pushing myself to the limit will cause rebellion of one body part or another, if not an all out strike across the spectrum of my being.

Then again, hormonal, emotional, and relational stuff added to the physical "abuse" of committing to too much and it all took its toll spiritually.  Not only had my desire and ability to express myself through the written word dried up, I couldn't...or wouldn't...pray.

Now here's what's the most interesting thing about that.  

For weeks - maybe even more like a month or two - I've been mulling over writing a post on prayer.  Many people have asked how I keep my prayer life 'interesting' and not 'dry'...how I keep from making it a laundry list of requests, or how I'm able to be consistent.

I'm no expert, but I thought I was doing pretty well in the prayer department.

I pray every morning during my ride to work and often on the ride home as well.  If something especially challenging comes up during the day, I've been known to leave the building and go to a quite place nearby to pray. If a friend called asking for prayer, I'd head into the stairwell and pray over the phone with them right then and there.  Or stop and pray over an email.  When prayer requests came to me for a doctor's visit, an interview, whatever, I always asked what time it was taking place so I could concentrate my praying while the event was going on.  And then there's the monthly women's prayer group I lead. 

I felt God answered many of my prayers in the positive.  One person recently told me he was glad I'd be praying for a mission trip he was going on because he thought of me as a 'person of prayer' and another friend went so far as to say that I got more answers to prayer than anyone he knew.

So, no, I'm not an expert on the subject, but because I know the impact it has had on my life and the lives of others, I thought about giving some 'tips' on what worked for me.  The problem was, I wrote and rewrote the post many different ways, but none of them expressed what I wanted to say.  I found it hard to get a foothold on the subject, and therefore, it sat in my drafts, occasionally revisited, but never published.

Then, all of a sudden, I found myself in the desert.  Where was this 'person of prayer' now?  Why did the thought of speaking to my Creator feel like a chore that I couldn't bring myself to execute?  When I wrote to my friend about feeling empty and far from God, I knew it wasn't God who had moved away.

I was keenly aware the problem was within my heart...I just couldn't push past the busyness of my life to recharge.  

I became overwhelmed by all I needed "to do" and it paralyzed me from moving forward.  In some ways, I was Peter, taking my eyes off the Savior and putting them squarely on the swirling waters underfoot.  Quickly, I began to drown...

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

I ditched the lake and decided to visit a different local park today.

Grabbing my camera, I hoped to find something unique to photograph.

I took some lovely pictures - the early morning sun filtering through a dense grove of trees, flowers, and a leaf that was a mixture of intense red and burnt orange - a harbinger of the season to come.

As I rounded a corner, the trees fell away and I found myself facing a large open field filled with dozens of geese.

Here in New Jersey, the Canadian goose is practically the state bird. They are ubiquitous. Hundreds of them often cover the surface of Mercer Lake, the backdrop for this blog. 

But these weren't Canadian geese. This was a gaggle of plain, old, white and grey geese. Ordinary, yet not something I ordinarily see, so I stopped to snap some pictures and observe them a bit.


They were noisy!

One trumpeted his displeasure as another invaded his territory. 

Wings flapped.

Heads and necks bobbed and weaved.

This group made their presence known and on the whole, they were not happy campers. 

Then I noticed...her.

Right in the middle of the raucous scene was a young deer.











She didn't engage the geese in their squabbles. She simply and quietly munched on her breakfast of grass, content to just be.

As soon as I spied her, the old Sesame Street ditty popped into my head. 

One of these things is not like the others. 
One of these things just doesn't belong. 
Can you tell which thing is not like the others, 
By the time I finish my song?

Today I'd like you to consider this thought.

Are you like the others? 

Or do you and your actions stand out from the crowd?

We all want to belong. We all want to be accepted. It's a natural, human desire. But as Christians, we are different - at least, we should be. 

Do you live your life in such a way that you are easily identifiable as a Christian? Or are you afraid of what that difference might cost you with friends and family?

Mark 8:38 states "If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when He comes in His Father's glory with the holy angels." 

That's the higher cost. Human acceptance cannot begin to compete with Holy acceptance. There aren't enough riches in this world to make it worth selling yourself short of the next one.

The world is a boisterous, noisy, gaggle of geese. 

Everyone is honking to be heard. Flapping their wings and bobbing their heads in an effort to gain the upper hand.

As a deer, don't try to be a goose. Instead, live among the geese while exhibiting your deer-like qualities.

John 17:15-18 (NIV) states "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.  As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world."

And the Living Bible translation of 1 Peter 2:12 says this: Be careful how you behave among your unsaved neighbors; for then, even if they are suspicious of you and talk against you, they will end up praising God for your good works when Christ returns.

It's okay that one of these things is not like the others. We should aspire to be that thing...that deer in the midst of geese...that Christian living a godly life in an adulterous and sinful generation. God will be glorified and you will be blessed.

As you strive to be the deer in the midst of the gaggle, how can I pray for you? 

You can leave your request in the comments. 

Fire or False Alarm?

FIRE! FIRE! 

The word shrieked from the smoke detector right outside my bedroom door.

It was 2:45 a.m. but my eyes flew open at the sound. I fumbled for the light in my sleepy stupor.

Shaking, I stopped and tried to gain my bearings. I smelled nothing. I saw nothing. I slipped on the shoes next to my bed and headed out to the hallway.

The apartment is small and it took no time at all to check all around and confirm that there was in fact, no fire, even though the alarm continued it's high pitched beep and warning cry.

I grabbed the step stool in the kitchen so I could reach the alarm. I twisted it to the left, expecting to remove a fading 9 volt battery. Instead, I discovered this particular alarm was wired into the ceiling.

Now I was really confused. Was there a problem with the wiring? Did I need to be concerned about that? What on earth had set this thing off?

I had no idea, so I just screwed it back up into the ceiling and the noise stopped.

Even though I felt fairly confident it was a false alarm, I found it a little difficult to fall back to sleep.

Eventually, my heightened sense of impending doom was overcome by exhaustion and I fell back asleep.

God's Word is like that fire alarm.

It warns us that there is a time coming, and is even here now, when there will be persecution. And it tells us to be on alert for the return of our Savior.

Perhaps we hear a sermon that makes us sit up and take notice of our conduct. Or we see a film like War Room that brings our faltering prayer life into question. Or we read a blog post that makes us think twice about how we're running our day to day Christian race.

Whatever it is, the warning cry wakes us from our sleep and has us looking around to see what might be coming at us. We feel convicted, we become introspective, we vow to change.

But when no danger is readily seen, when the warning signs appear to be false alarms, we slowly sink back into our daily slumber, lowering our defenses, and making ourselves weaker in the process.

Don't let that happen one more time!

Hebrews 10:37 reminds us "For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay."

And 1 Thessalonians 5:1-4, 6 states: Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, 'Peace and safety' destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled."

Friends, there's no failing battery - the wiring is in good working order.

The warnings are real and should be heeded.

Do not become lulled back into a deep sleep.

Be on alert. Watch and pray. He who is coming WILL come - and - will not delay. His timing is perfect.

Staying focused may be easier said than done, but that is my prayer for each of us today and every day until He comes again.

I'd love to pray for you in other ways too. Running this race is often difficult and we need to lift each other up in prayer.

Feel free to leave your requests in the comments below, or email me at lakesidelessons61@gmail.com.

Space Invaded

It was a picture perfect, end of summer day.

Not a cloud in the sky.

No humidity - so rare for August in New Jersey.

Normally, I would be working four hours on a Friday morning. But with an event that evening, I opted to go in mid-afternoon and spend the earlier hours being still. Nothing re-centers me like some quality time with God by the lake.

I grabbed my phone (to keep an eye on the time), my Bible, and my camera. You never know what you might see in this pristine setting, so I always have my camera with me.

I focused in on Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth."

Be still. I closed my eyes and soaked up the sounds. Crickets. Cicadas. The low-throated, elongated honk of a heron. The multiple songs of the mocking bird. Water lapping on the shore line.

The sound of millions of bees headed in my direction!!

My eyes flew open and I searched the sky for the source of the sound, half-wincing in anticipation of a sting.

But there were no bees.

At first, I saw nothing. Then I spotted a tiny dot in the sky that came closer and closer.

I sat there with my mouth open, feeling a little like someone in a horror or disaster movie who stands watching destruction coming straight at them, but they never turn tail and run.

It was a drone.

I had seen them on TV. Had heard about them and the controversy over them - like when they invade air space and create problems for planes.

But I had never seen one.

And now, this noisy thing was invading my sacred space.

It hovered over me for more than a few seconds. What was it doing? Taking pictures of me? I felt violated by this over-sized electronic insect.

I whipped out my camera and took a few pictures and it suddenly decided to move on in a different direction.

Now my mind was on this...thing. Where had it come from? What was it doing?

The stillness had been broken.

The drone had invaded my space uninvited. But I think of all the times I allow technology into my quiet time. How often am I distracted by the buzzes, beeps, and ringtones of messages that can surely wait until God and I are done, but in that moment I give them precedence?

Maybe that's not a problem for you. But I confess, it can be for me.

I saw War Room last weekend, and it made me long to get down on my knees in a place with no distractions. To seek God's face, one on one, no technology around. In the tiny little apartment I share with my grown son, that can be a tall order. In fact, it's one of the reasons I tend to go to the lake early in the morning.

I crave His presence and He desires mine - with no interruption.

I would encourage you to look for a place to spend some alone time with God each day where nothing can distract. Put down the phone, close the lid on your laptop, shut off the TV.

Just talk. Be still. Know He is God. Refocus, recenter, reground. You'll be better equipped to go through your day.

Where do you go to meet God without distraction? What tips might you have for avoiding "space invaded?" I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Goodbye Forever?

Today I'm still a jumble of emotions and tears.

Yesterday, I attended a funeral for the father of one of my dearest friends. I'd only met him twice. Once at the funeral of his sister-in-law, and once at the wedding of his granddaughter. I'm sure he would never have remembered that if we had been introduced a third time.

But that doesn't matter much because I will never forget him.

For years, I prayed for this man. For his health. For his well-being. For his family. His health has been borderline for a long time and each time there was a scare, I would pray anew for healing. But my constant prayer was that my friend would have the assurance of  his father's salvation before God called him home. I knew there was uncertainty, and I knew it weighed heavy on my friend's heart.

The past few months have been a roller coaster ride. Major surgery. A dire prediction for recovery. An all out miracle as the man who wasn't supposed to make it through the next 5 minutes, made it to the next morning, the next day, the next week. After a short time in rehab, he was sent home. We praised God for all He had done.

Then not long ago, a new problem surfaced and the complications began to roll in wave upon wave. I'm sure the questions I asked of God  were being echoed by his loved ones. Why did God perform such a miracle of healing, only to have him back in dire straights?

A week or so ago, my friend sat by his father's bedside. He asked the hard questions. "Dad, do you know Christ as your Savior?" "Will you go to heaven when you die?" My friend opened his Bible and went through the steps to ensure his father understood. His dad responded that yes, he understood and Christ was his Savior. Other family members received similar assurances as they too broached the subject of eternity during those last days.

When I learned of those encounters I wept at the answer to prayer. It had been the desire of my heart for a long time that my friend would know with certainty he would see his father again.

God chose ultimate healing for this man. On August 6th, he was called home. The celebration of his life was filled with stories...some funny, some touching. But the most important stories were the ones where he affirmed his belief in the Savior and his assurance that he would spend eternity with Him.

So why am I still crying?

Not because I knew this man well, I didn't.

In part because I love my friend and when he hurts, my heart hurts for him.

In part because I know and care about many of his family members and I understand the difficulty of losing a loved one - even though we who know Christ don't grieve as the world does because of our assurance of heaven.

But in large part, my tears come because of my own family members and the uncertainty of their eternal future.

Funerals cause reflection. We think of our own mortality. We wonder when we might be in the same position of saying goodbye to a loved one who is older or is in poor health.

But even in that reflection, we don't necessarily consider the fact that this life is but a vapor and we are not given assurance of tomorrow or even the rest of today. Sadly, we can say goodbye to a healthy person or someone in the prime of life just as easily as our elders and the sick.

We may not be given the extra time to sit by a bedside and outline God's gift of salvation as my friend did for his father.Therefore, we need to live each moment to its fullest. We need to take each opportunity we're given to share John 10:10 which states Christ came for that very reason - so we might live life to the full because of John 3:16.

So share Christ when you can, but always pray. For those you love. For your neighbors. For your co-workers. For those who would do you harm. For those you've never met...or maybe, only met twice.

I don't ever want to know the pain of losing someone I cherish without the certainty that I will see them again, but with all the troubles in this life, it's often easy to pray for immediate needs and bypass the eternal one.

If days like yesterday remind me to pray for the salvation of my family and others, then the tears are welcome and not without purpose.