Hope

Life sucking depression. 

That was the term he used.  And then he said, "you don't understand it...you can try, you can say you do, but unless you experience it, you never will." 

It tore at my heart, because I knew he was right.  I wanted to be able to understand this monster that pulls him down and renders him unable to sleep, or work, or function "normally".  I wanted to say "I've been there and it will get better", but I have not walked that path.

I have lived through the loss of a job, my mom's death at 45, verbal abuse, infidelity, and the break up of a marriage. 

But through all of that, through all the gut wrenching despair, anguished prayers and oceans of tears, I never lost hope.

And hope is what he lacks.  Hope that it will get better.  Hope that there is victory over this hell on earth. 

While my relationship with God may have been tenuous in the past, with each hardship it has grown stronger.  I cling to verses like Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I wish that, like a blood transfusion, I could give him some of my hope.  I would gladly lay on an operating table and let the surgeon cut out a piece of my heart...my heart filled with hope for him and his future, and have it sewn onto his...a patch of hope to combat the despair that leaks out of his heart to course through his veins and poison every part of his being.  

But I can't.

What I can do is pray.  So often we say "all we can do is pray."  But praying is everything, not the only thing.  It needs to be our first defense, not our last resort. 

I can hear some people now saying, you can't just pray this away...he needs treatment.  And he gets it.  I fully believe that God has gifted people with the knowledge to understand our minds and bodies to aid in healing.  But he needs more than pills and platitudes.  More than trusting in an inward ability to work through the problems.  Hope is required.  Psalm 62:5 says:  "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."

I haven't seen any answers to this prayer yet.  In fact, it sometimes seems that things are worse instead of  better. 

He's right.  I can't understand.  But God does.  And with all my ability I will point him in that direction, and trust that the life sucking depression will be replaced with hope in a life-giving God.  

I have hope.  And He has plans.  Amen.