When Trust Is All You Have

The judge handed down a preliminary decision.  It was not what my attorney and I expected. It was not what anyone thought would happen.

"It's still not over" my lawyer counseled.  We'll go before the judge tomorrow and make our case.

The next day, we discovered we were not on the docket. Even after clearing up the communication error, the judge refused to see us. The preliminary decision, in all its unfairness, was final.

It was a crushing blow.

Tears flowed down my face as I tried to wrap my mind around what this all meant and what my next step would be.

"We'll file a motion to have it reviewed.  We'll send along some new information."

Weeks went by.  The court date was moved a week and I couldn't be there in person.  Then more waiting. Somehow, the review decision took more than a month and a half to reach me after it was made.

Declined.

I got angry.

I felt my attorney had failed me.  The judicial system had failed me.  And God?  Where was He in all of this?

On December 31st I wrote about my "one word" for the new year.  I had no idea what it would be.  I'd prayed about it, debated on it, but didn't know what it was until, as I looked over what I had written in the post so far, I saw one word surface over and over again.  

Trust.

I braced myself.  I've walked with God long enough to know a word like that means lessons are going to be learned.  You don't trust without being put in situations where you have to exercise it.  

So where was God?  Right here.  Waiting for my decision.

Would I trust Him?

Would I believe He was still good if things didn't work out as I expected?

In a devotional entitled "False Security", I read these words "are you depending more on God's provision than on God himself?

I had to think about that.  I wasn't sure I'd ever separated the two entities in my mind.

When I first entered this battle, I was okay.  I had this - I've trusted God before.  He's provided...

Money. And from the craziest places - for expenses like food, gas, insurance, utilities.  It's a good thing He has cattle on a thousand hills, because I know more than a few have been sold on my behalf.

A job. One that He not only placed me in, but preserved through some very shaky times when others were not as fortunate, including a company sale this past May.

A car. I was blessed with the donation of (yes, as in free) a 2005 Nissan Altima when my Pathfinder gave up the ghost at 262,000 miles a little more than a year ago.

Each time a need arose, I brought it to Him, confident I could trust Him to provide.

But this time, no provision is evident. I'm in the 11th hour and I still see no definite way out. In fact, it seems like everything I could possibly lean on is being kicked out from under me.

When I was given my word, I was also given a scripture. Proverbs 3:5 & 6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Lean not on your own understanding...trust in the Lord. Could it be any more plain?

In fact, every day this year...all 46 of them so far...God has shown me the word trust. In scripture. In song. In the email of a friend.  In a devotional. In a picture posted on Facebook. Even in the title of a book I was given for my birthday. The word "trust" has become ubiquitous.

I'm on the look out for it now. Excited to see how it will appear. Knowing that seeing it is a promise from God...a personal gift, just for me.

As I write this today, the circumstances have not changed. The judge didn't suddenly change his mind. Things haven't turned in my favor. The way forward is not crystal clear.

What has changed is my attitude. I have laid it all down. I am taking days one at a time, holding on to His hand, confident that while I cannot see where any of this leads, He does. His provision is still there, even if it looks different than I imagined.

I love Ephesians 3:20. Today it has come in front of me 4 times. 4 times!! Talk about confirmation. Ephesians 3:20 says this..."Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."

I imagined an outcome that I did not receive. But God is able to give me immeasurably more.

I was going to quote Psalm 84:11 here - "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." and then my eyes fell on the next verse..."O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you."

Thank you Jesus - I found my word trust for today.

photo credit

Adventures in Community Outreach - Growing Roots

I can still remember sitting in the office, talking to two of my pastors.

"But how will this be different?" one asked.

It was a valid question.  I had been part of a ministry that reached out to a local homeless shelter for women and children.  Initially, we were successful in bringing half a dozen women to the church each Sunday in our church van.  When they moved into their own housing around town, we used a second van to do a loop around the city to pick them up for services and special events.

The first van continued heading to the shelter, week in and week out for over 18 months with no results. During that same time, many of the regulars on the second van became sporadic in attendance, dropping out one by one for a variety of reasons.  The drivers and ministry leadership were discouraged and eventually, van service to the shelter stopped and that ministry was shut down.

Now here I was, a few short months later telling them I felt very strongly that God was telling me to go out into the community.  Their concern was understandable.

"I know it sounds crazy, but honestly, God just won't leave me alone about this."

I explained how a book they had given me at a leadership meeting had said some things that really started me thinking.  It talked about not reinventing the wheel.  Taking the volunteer base of your church and partnering with organizations already doing good works in the community. 

"It's different because this time we'll be like a clearing house of ideas.  We'll match community needs with congregational gifts...and we won't put all our eggs in one basket like we did last time."

I tried to speak with the certainty of my convictions, but in truth, all I knew was that I had tried to brush aside the voice several times, but it always came back again, stronger than before. 

I've written other posts about starting with a food drive, moving beyond our walls to refurbish a "Dress for Success" office, and eventually, doing a makeover for Preservation House, a local shelter.

While doors closed at the women's shelter just a year before, they seemed to swing wide open at Preservation House.

I had never heard of Preservation House until one of those ladies from the van, one who had continued to come to our church, found herself in need of assistance again and landed there.

Right away, this place captured our hearts.  As the congregation took part in the "Adopt a Room" outreach at "PH" as we call it, we got to know some of the families and we followed up with a meal at Thanksgiving and a party at Christmas. We wanted to foster relationships with these families and begin to grow roots at the facility.  To that end, we started a "welcome basket" ministry.  The residents who leave for their own housing get a laundry basket filled with kitchen, bathroom and heath and beauty products to get them started in their new homes.  A Bible and info on the church are included as one last way to reach out and make a connection before they leave the shelter.


In June, during our Central Cares Day outreach, we included PH as one of our work sites, creating an inviting waiting room for visitors, teen room complete with cool seating, fuzzy pillows and flat screen tv and a resource room with tons of books and table space for studying.


But back when we did that first makeover in 2010, God planted a new dream in my heart.  To bring a life skills training course to the residents of the house.  I saw how small changes in their lifestyle could make better use of their meager resources.  So much money was wasted using check cashing services instead of maintaining a checking account.  Food stamps used at the local drug store for groceries could stretch 2 or 3 times as far if they shopped at a food store and used coupons.  I was sure there were other areas where small steps could make big changes too.

I had the dream, but had no idea how to execute it.  I talked to different people about it - one of our contacts at the Salvation Army said he had a program they used, but somehow, we never connected.  I'd bring it up in our planning meetings now and again, and although everyone agreed it was a great idea, still, no plan emerged.

Then one night at a women's Bible study, something happened.  The study was a video series on the book of Jonah and featured Priscilla Shirer, who talked about whether things that come up in our lives are interruptions, or divine interventions.  Priscilla offered the idea that an "interruption" is actually God's invitation to do something beyond our wildest dreams.  When Jonah was willing to allow God to interrupt his life, the result was revival in an entire city!   At the end of the study, Priscilla encouraged those taking part to find their Nineveh and make a difference.

As we discussed possible ideas, I mentioned my dream of a Life Skills class for PH.  One woman in the class came to me and said "I wrote a program like that for my master's thesis...maybe we could bring it to PH."

I asked the pastors to review the program and they gave it a thumbs up. Then I sent the outline to the social worker at the shelter...she liked it.  It has taken the better part of a year since then, but it is obvious that it is God's perfect timing.

The program consists of 8 modules in 3 sections.  Subjects include parental involvement in your child's school, building a network of support, discovering community resources, resume writing, learning about the importance of credit and basic banking, and creating a budget.  The most amazing thing was watching God move just the right people into place to teach each of these classes...the retired principal, the VP of a financial company, employees of the state welfare department, someone who facilitates "Financial Peace University" in our church.  From just one brainstorming meeting for names of people to reach out to for training, we got 90% of our staff.

Although I'm not a church staff member, I am invited to the annual calendar planning meeting since the ministry I head up impacts the entire congregation.  None of the staff had any idea how much progress had been made and who had volunteered to be faculty.  The looks of wonder and amazement around the table as they read over my notes, made my day.

On September 23, 2013, almost 3 years after God gave me the dream, I watched it come to fruition. 12 women attended the first ever Life Skills seminar.

Each person received their own "kit".  A binder with a notebook, one pocket folder (to hold the many informational brochures gathered), a pen, calculator (they'll be creating a budget during the last week), a coupon holder and a 2 year planner.

We were so encouraged by the interest and interaction of our "students". They were engaged, supportive of each other's comments, and genuinely seemed happy to be there.

The exit survey we gave them came back with wonderful feedback, many rating their experience "excellent" and all said they would recommend it to others and be back again the following week.  Also exciting was how many women freely took a Bible - in fact, several who missed taking one from the information table came running after us in the parking lot to get one before we left.

Even more amazing was the phone call I had with the shelter administration this week.  I called to find out the head count for this coming Monday and to determine if childcare was needed.

"I'm so glad you called, Miss Toni!  The two houses we run for men will now be open all day and Dr. Johnson wants to know if you can bring the same kind of programs to the men."

We suggested a Bible study, mentoring, life skills training and a Celebrate Recovery class and the response from shelter administration was "just gather the dates and let's start planning to get you in here."

How will this time be different?

It is night and day.

It is beyond my wildest dreams.  God closed doors so we would head to more fertile ground.  Roots are taking hold.  We pray lives will be changed, and how can they not be when God is so obviously the one working all things together?

Eph. 3:20-21 "God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!  He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.  Glory to God in the church!  Glory to God in the Messiah, In Jesus!  Glory down all the generations!  Glory through all millennia!  Oh, yes!" (The Message)