The Lost Art of Personal Communication

Observation #3 - fasting from Facebook may not be hard, but I'm surprised and saddened to find it makes for a lonelier existence. 

On January 31st, I posted that I would be signing off Facebook with the exception of the occasional blog post, for the next 29 days.  I wished a happy birthday to all those celebrating in February since I wouldn't be able to do that on the actual day - I confess I have no idea when most of my friend's birthdays are without the aid of Facebook - and I also mentioned my fast from sweets and my determination to check email much less frequently.

Perhaps there was a misunderstanding.  I'm wondering if friends thought I was removing myself from all contact, because calls, emails, and even texts have been very few and far between.  Maybe some didn't see my post and continue to write to me on the site thinking I'm ignoring them.  Or maybe, just maybe, when I was constantly on Facebook, I didn't realize that those other types of communication had already dwindled off.

Anyone remember the good 'ol days of writing letters?  Or at the very least, sending a paper card through the US mail other than during the holidays?  How about using your phone to talk on instead of as a gaming device, alarm clock, web browser or whatever apps are capable of doing these days.  Even emails have given way to texting, Facebook messaging and Tweets.  Why is that?  Our interactions have become shorter and shorter.  Facebook statuses can't exceed 420 characters, a standard text message can't exceed 160 characters, and Tweets are 140 characters or less.  

I recently found a card my mother sent me.  She died from breast cancer that spread to her lungs and eventually her brain, more than 25 years ago.  To see her handwriting, and read the words of encouragement and pride that were in that card brought tears to my eyes.  There was a connection there warmer and more personal than any email she might have sent had it been around 25 years ago.  It was a piece of her. 

Last week, a sweet, thoughtful friend sent me a kids' valentine card in the mail.  It brought a smile to my face after a tough day.  It only took her a minute I'm sure to sign it, put a stamp on it and stick it in the mail...but those few seconds made my day. 

A co-worker has been working from home for some time after suffering from some health issues that make it difficult to come into the office.  Every week or so, I give her a call.  We chat about her health, what's going on in the office, what's not going on in our 'love lives' or the weather.  We're not solving global warming or world hunger, just making a human connection - real voices that communicate concern, share laughter, offer encouragement.  Before we hang up, she always says 'I love you my friend, you're the only one who calls anymore.'  Guess she's out of sight, out of mind for most.  It breaks my heart.

Last night, I went to church for a brief meeting.  One of the women there was a friend I haven't talked to in some time.  We chatted in the parking lot so long, I suggested we go to grab something at a local diner.  We talked until midnight.  She's been going through a lot of tough times - things that you don't post on social media, but things that need to be shared to have the prayer support of friends.  Sometimes, you just have to sit down face to face.

As I've been experiencing the loneliness of my Facebook fast I realize several things.  First, I unplugged, but I'm waiting for people to reach out to me.  I need to do some reaching out of my own.  Second, now that I'm aware how much of my socialization is coming from Facebook, I see how impersonal many of my interactions have become.  Third, there's no reason that the absence of a web site from my online vocabulary should cause me to be lonely.  I'm going to dig out my writing paper, encouragement cards, and a few pens.  At least once a week, I can invest 44 cents in a friendship.  Better yet, I can certainly carve out an hour here and there in my busy schedule to sit down with a dollar cup of coffee and have a conversation...live and in person. 

I'm excited at the prospect of resurrecting the lost art of personal communication, and I hope it's something that I will be able to make part of my regular routine.  I'm sure if I PLAY Words With Friends a little less so that I can HAVE words with friends a little more, my life will be the richer for it.

29 Days

A week or so ago, I opened my Jesus Calling devotional and read "Worship Me only.  Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god...Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in Me and refreshing yourself in My Presence...I rejoice when your mind turns toward Me.  Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep you close to Me."  I was convicted because I know that there are certain things and people in my life that approach idol status.  I don't worship them in the traditional sense, but my mind and time are too often occupied by them.  I've often thought that if I meditated on God's word with the same attention to detail that I put into writing or reading emails or Facebook statuses, I would be in a much better place.

The following Sunday, my pastor spoke on something that brought the "idol" thought back to the surface.  He told us about a study in which participants were asked how much they agreed or disagreed with the statements "Life is fair" and "many of my friends have a better life than me".  The participants then described their Facebook activity.  After allowing for certain variables, the study found "the more hours people spent on Facebook, the stronger was their agreement that others were happier".  

It was the age-old "grass is greener" issue ramped up by technology.  Maybe you don't compare homes, cars or vacation destinations, but you've felt the sting of not being invited to the 'event' everyone's talking about, or no one ever acknowledges your posts or comments, leaving you feeling ostracized and alone.  Sometimes Facebook is like high school all over again.  For me, the problem stems from that feeling of worth I sometimes get when a lot of people "like" a witty status or funny comment I've posted.
I'm like Sally Field accepting the Oscar "You like me...right now, you like me!"  It's not wrong to be encouraged, but if my self worth begins to come from a thumbs up on Facebook instead of from the God who created me and loves me whether or not I'm popular with my friends today...well then, I'm setting up an idol in my life.

Add to all these musings, the feeling that I was losing control over a particular issue.  I have struggled with my weight for years, winning small skirmishes, but never the war.  Slowly, eventually, it creeps back on.  More than a year ago, I started losing again, working out, feeling a little better about myself when a series of things happened.  Injuries, family issues, the holidays - there were many excuses for falling out of my good habits and back into old patterns.  But the bottom line was, instead of turning to God to fill a void, heal a hurt, calm my nerves, I turned to food when I wasn't filling my time with idle game play and chit chat on the social network.

Then a week ago I had a very clear, very pressing thought.  I needed to fast.  I needed to spend an elongated time separating myself from things that were beginning to rob me of time spent with God, as well as robbing me of my health and well-being.

I wrote a Facebook status telling friends it was my intent to stay off the site for the month of February with the exception of a few brief moments to post any blogs I might be moved to write.  It was immediately met with more than a dozen comments - from good luck, to I should join you, to you'll never make it - my sister's sweet words of encouragement!

I also posted my intent to check personal email just once a day.  I think that declaration may have been over zealous.  Given the amount of communication I have regarding work, ministry, etc., 2 - 3 times a day is more realistic, and I have to admit, still a huge reduction in the number of times I normally check it.

Lastly, I've purposed to use this fast to go God about feeling out of control with my eating.  Sweets are off the table.  For a baker like me, this maybe the hardest thing to give up. 

So, that's the thought process behind the journey I've put myself on for 29 days - and after just 5 days, I've already learned a lot about myself.

I've been pleasantly surprised at how easy it's been to stay away from Facebook.  Those who really needed to contact me have texted, emailed or called.  When I'm tempted to visit the site, I pray for someone instead.  However, I've failed miserably with regard to email - logging on 6-8 times a day.   When I shared my struggle in this area with my pastor, he gave me practical advice.  "Think of it as regular mail...you don't run out to your mailbox every hour - you check it once it day."  So simple, and yet, I haven't given up control just yet.

What I have found is that temptation is greatest when I have nothing to do.  But "nothing to do" is really not true.  I'm in the middle of half a dozen books I need - and want - to finish.  There is a newsletter I need to write, a book I'm working on, but most of all, a God who's waiting on me to take the time to converse with Him.  That's really what this fast is all about after all.  Surrendering control and giving up idols so that I can concentrate on what's really important in this life.  I picked the perfect month too.  No, not because it's the shortest, although hey, it IS a leap year - but because my devotional seems to speak to it on every page.  The theme for the month is Psalm 105:4 "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."  And just today, the devotional was based on Romans 8:6 and Psalm 46: 1-2...it said "Seek My Face, and you will find not only My Presence, but also My Peace.  To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My Hand."

I was shocked to realize how often I look to grab something fast and easy to eat at home.  Donuts, brownies, even a cookie had become a 'quick fix' because I wasn't willing to wait for something of substance.  It may sound silly, but that's been a big "a ha" for me because I can easily make the connection with how I've been living lately - getting a quick technology fix instead of sitting down with my Bible to dig into something of substance.  Facebook status versus devotional...instant message versus time in prayer.  Like I quoted my friend Renata saying recently "we make time for the things we want to do and make excuses for everything else."
                                 
So do you have any idols taking up residence in your life?  As you can see from the ones I've pulled off my shelves and out of my closets, they don't all look like golden calves.  Power, money, pride, self image, technology, maybe even something seemingly good like exercise - "whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god."  It's my prayer that this 29 day journey will lead to new behaviors, restore some old healthy ones, and will rid me of excuses for not digging deeper with the One who said "you shall have no other gods before Me."  I'll let you know what I continue to learn along the way...and just maybe you'll be encouraged to join me.


*photo credit - http://blog.ourchurch.com/2010/01/26/the-10-commandments-of-social-networking/

The Facebook "Maybe"

Awhile ago a friend and I were talking about our crazy schedules and how fast our calendars were filling up.  Then she lamented about people who talk to you about doing something, but never fully commit.  The problem arises when something else comes along that you'd like to do.  You can't really say yes, because this other thing is hanging out there as a possibility and you quazi-committed to it first. 

"Write a blog about the Facebook 'maybe'"she said.  "Huh?".  "Ya know, the Facebook maybe...when you create an event and people don't want you to be upset if they don't come, but they don't want to commit either, so they choose maybe - even when they have no intention of making it."

While Facebook, Evite, and all the cool sites let you do it - firmly commit to not committing, or what I'm calling the "non-choice" - it isn't a product of the social media era.  It's as old as time.  As my mom used to say "there's nothing new under the sun."

Proof of that is found right in Revelation 3:14-19 which says:  “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen—the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation:  “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other!  But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!  You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.  So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference."

Quite a rebuke.  It reminds me a little of when my kids were young.  They'd ask if we could do such and such and I'd reply...'maybe'...or 'we'll see', thinking I was putting them off with a reasonable response.  One day my son had had enough!  "You know that means no mom.  Whenever you say maybe, we don't do it.  Why don't you just say yes or no?"

Good question.  Why don't we just say yes or no?  The Bible was pretty straightforward about how God feels when we "non-choice" Him.  Obviously God doesn't desire a 'no' from us, but it's quite clear from this passage that a lukewarm maybe is just as detestable to Him - if not more so!  We often kid ourselves, feeling pretty good about our non-commitment...I mean, at least we're not in that group of obvious commitment phobes...the "awaiting reply" group...now THOSE folks, ha!  They're the ones with a problem - the ones who can't even choose to think about choosing...right?   Wrong.  That church at Laodicea was instructed to be diligent and turn from its indifference.  And we are called to do the same.

The passage says "I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold."  Don't hand God a maybe and think you're getting away with something or buying time.  You don’t even realize "that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked."  Open your eyes.  Make a choice...a real choice.  You've been invited to the greatest event of all time.  An eternal party.  A celebration that will never end.  He's awaiting your reply.  Commit to Him with your whole heart.  Anything else is just a non-choice.

Wild Goose Chase

Dictionary.com defines a wild goose chase as "a wild or absurd search for something non-existent or unobtainable."

A friend of mine gave the "wild and absurd" portion of this definition a whole new meaning.




Thing is, she wasn't chasing the goose in this scenario...it kind of chased her.

She was driving across a bridge that connects New Jersey to Pennsylvania. It's very narrow and the speed limit is only 15 mph. All of a sudden, a goose flew into her car.

No, it didn't hit her car...it literally flew INTO her car from the open passenger side window!

Somehow, with the wings of the bird beating against her in panic and her young daughter screaming in fright, the car did not spin out of control and the goose flew out the driver side window.

Upon its escape, the bird held up traffic on the bridge as it stood squarely in the middle of the two lane span getting everyone's attention.

My friend's status on Facebook received, not surprisingly, over 3 dozen comments - from the concerned "are you all right?" and  "Did he hurt you?" to the comical "Did you duck?," "At least your goose wasn't cooked" and my personal fav "Affflllaaccckkk!".

Everyone including the goose escaped unharmed, but the incident reminded me of a book by Mark Batterson: "Wild Goose Chase."

Part of the book intro reads “Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit–An Geadh-Glas, or ‘the Wild Goose.’ The name hints at mystery. Much like a wild goose, the Spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. And while the name may sound a little sacrilegious, I cannot think of a better description of what it’s like to follow the Spirit through life."  

This particular goose certainly provided an element of danger and unpredictability! 

The intro goes on to say "most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: Adventure.”

Some people assume a Christian life is boring...that we have 'no fun.' I guess they figure we sit hands folded, back straight, sucking on lemons all day.

Nothing could be farther from the truth!  When you follow God's lead with full abandon, He will take you places you never thought you would or could go.

I've seen modern day miracles and answers to prayer, and these days, I live life expecting God to show up in a big way and He never disappoints. Honestly, there is nothing boring about life when God is on the move.

A life without God IS a wild goose chase...a pursuit of everything but obtaining nothing. But a life with the Wild Goose is one that pursues and achieves. It taps into the unseen, not the non-existent.

Are you ready for adventure?

To be sure, when the Wild Goose enters the picture He will mix things up and the ride will be unforgettable.

You will stop traffic and people will take notice.

You'll want to share what's happened with your friends because the whole thing is just so unbelievable.

There may be an element of danger or at least a hint of unpredictability because living a life with the Wild Goose behind the wheel takes the control out of your hands.

Are you ready to let go and follow the Wild Goose?