The Chocolate Bunny Idol

Now that I've been on this 'fast' a full 10 days...a third of the way...I've made some observations.  There's not enough time for me to list - or you to read - all of them in one sitting, so I'll share one a day.  I give them to you in no particular order except to say that some don't seem to have any deep spiritual meaning on the surface, but still, I'm discovering strengths and uncovering weaknesses, so at least for me, it's all valid intel.

Observation number one:  I miss chocolate.  Period.  I don't believe we've ever been separated this long since...well, since we were first introduced - most likely in my toddler days..  And THAT was a very long time ago.

Chocolate and I, we have this love-hate relationship.  I love it, and it hates to see me smooth-skinned and thin.  Seriously though, stepping away from sweets has been the second most difficult thing I've done the past week and a half.  Wow...put in those terms it hardly sounds like the eternity I feel it's been!

On the other hand, while it is obviously a weakness of mine, I found that I have incredible strength.  As someone who loves to bake, chocolate is all over my kitchen.  In fact, in the past 10 days I have baked one of my 'famous' homemade chocolate cakes with homemade chocolate icing for someone's birthday, and a batch of sugar cookies garnished with caramel, white and dark chocolate and sea salt for another friend.
From those things I've taken not one taste.  Not a lick of the spoon.  "Don't torture yourself" I hear some saying..."purge your house of it".  I could do that, but life is wrought with temptations - big and small - and we cannot live our days in avoidance.  I need to be able to stare it in the eye and say, "God is in control of my life, not my desires".  If something isn't good for me, I need to learn to walk away.

Don't get me wrong...in 20 more days, I may in fact have a piece of chocolate.  But it won't be the over indulgence it might once have been.  For starters, I suffered through a 3 day headache as I literally withdrew from sweets.  That's a sobering situation.  Nothing should have such a hold on me that I have to have physical pain from it...that's an addiction.

I started this journey to remove some idols I saw being set up in my life.  Anything that reaches addiction status is an idol for sure.  Reminds me a little of that chocolate idol in Veggie Tales "Rack, Shack & Benny".  If you're not familiar with this classic, it's based on Daniel 3 - a portion of scripture that God has put "in my way" at every turn for a number of months now.  The story (short version) is about three of the Hebrew men taken into captivity by King Nebuchadnezzar.  They were given new names, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  The king created a 90 foot high image of gold that all were to worship, but these three men refused.  Word got back to the king and he summoned and questioned them.  They stand firm with these words from Daniel 3:16 - 18 "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."  Upon hearing those words, the king orders them to be thrown into a furnace which he has heated 7 times hotter than usual.  The men are tossed into the furnace - the heat so strong it kills those who throw them in - but 4 men are seen walking around in the fire unconsumed.  The king shouted to them to come out and is so impacted by how they have been protected, he warns everyone that if they say anything against the God of these men, that person will be killed.  

So I do miss chocolate, but I do not "love the bunny" enough to keep it an idol in my life.  I am willing to surrender that desire for one so much more important and life-giving...desiring after God.  Psalm 103:2 & 5 "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

29 Days

A week or so ago, I opened my Jesus Calling devotional and read "Worship Me only.  Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god...Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in Me and refreshing yourself in My Presence...I rejoice when your mind turns toward Me.  Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep you close to Me."  I was convicted because I know that there are certain things and people in my life that approach idol status.  I don't worship them in the traditional sense, but my mind and time are too often occupied by them.  I've often thought that if I meditated on God's word with the same attention to detail that I put into writing or reading emails or Facebook statuses, I would be in a much better place.

The following Sunday, my pastor spoke on something that brought the "idol" thought back to the surface.  He told us about a study in which participants were asked how much they agreed or disagreed with the statements "Life is fair" and "many of my friends have a better life than me".  The participants then described their Facebook activity.  After allowing for certain variables, the study found "the more hours people spent on Facebook, the stronger was their agreement that others were happier".  

It was the age-old "grass is greener" issue ramped up by technology.  Maybe you don't compare homes, cars or vacation destinations, but you've felt the sting of not being invited to the 'event' everyone's talking about, or no one ever acknowledges your posts or comments, leaving you feeling ostracized and alone.  Sometimes Facebook is like high school all over again.  For me, the problem stems from that feeling of worth I sometimes get when a lot of people "like" a witty status or funny comment I've posted.
I'm like Sally Field accepting the Oscar "You like me...right now, you like me!"  It's not wrong to be encouraged, but if my self worth begins to come from a thumbs up on Facebook instead of from the God who created me and loves me whether or not I'm popular with my friends today...well then, I'm setting up an idol in my life.

Add to all these musings, the feeling that I was losing control over a particular issue.  I have struggled with my weight for years, winning small skirmishes, but never the war.  Slowly, eventually, it creeps back on.  More than a year ago, I started losing again, working out, feeling a little better about myself when a series of things happened.  Injuries, family issues, the holidays - there were many excuses for falling out of my good habits and back into old patterns.  But the bottom line was, instead of turning to God to fill a void, heal a hurt, calm my nerves, I turned to food when I wasn't filling my time with idle game play and chit chat on the social network.

Then a week ago I had a very clear, very pressing thought.  I needed to fast.  I needed to spend an elongated time separating myself from things that were beginning to rob me of time spent with God, as well as robbing me of my health and well-being.

I wrote a Facebook status telling friends it was my intent to stay off the site for the month of February with the exception of a few brief moments to post any blogs I might be moved to write.  It was immediately met with more than a dozen comments - from good luck, to I should join you, to you'll never make it - my sister's sweet words of encouragement!

I also posted my intent to check personal email just once a day.  I think that declaration may have been over zealous.  Given the amount of communication I have regarding work, ministry, etc., 2 - 3 times a day is more realistic, and I have to admit, still a huge reduction in the number of times I normally check it.

Lastly, I've purposed to use this fast to go God about feeling out of control with my eating.  Sweets are off the table.  For a baker like me, this maybe the hardest thing to give up. 

So, that's the thought process behind the journey I've put myself on for 29 days - and after just 5 days, I've already learned a lot about myself.

I've been pleasantly surprised at how easy it's been to stay away from Facebook.  Those who really needed to contact me have texted, emailed or called.  When I'm tempted to visit the site, I pray for someone instead.  However, I've failed miserably with regard to email - logging on 6-8 times a day.   When I shared my struggle in this area with my pastor, he gave me practical advice.  "Think of it as regular mail...you don't run out to your mailbox every hour - you check it once it day."  So simple, and yet, I haven't given up control just yet.

What I have found is that temptation is greatest when I have nothing to do.  But "nothing to do" is really not true.  I'm in the middle of half a dozen books I need - and want - to finish.  There is a newsletter I need to write, a book I'm working on, but most of all, a God who's waiting on me to take the time to converse with Him.  That's really what this fast is all about after all.  Surrendering control and giving up idols so that I can concentrate on what's really important in this life.  I picked the perfect month too.  No, not because it's the shortest, although hey, it IS a leap year - but because my devotional seems to speak to it on every page.  The theme for the month is Psalm 105:4 "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."  And just today, the devotional was based on Romans 8:6 and Psalm 46: 1-2...it said "Seek My Face, and you will find not only My Presence, but also My Peace.  To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust.  The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My Hand."

I was shocked to realize how often I look to grab something fast and easy to eat at home.  Donuts, brownies, even a cookie had become a 'quick fix' because I wasn't willing to wait for something of substance.  It may sound silly, but that's been a big "a ha" for me because I can easily make the connection with how I've been living lately - getting a quick technology fix instead of sitting down with my Bible to dig into something of substance.  Facebook status versus devotional...instant message versus time in prayer.  Like I quoted my friend Renata saying recently "we make time for the things we want to do and make excuses for everything else."
                                 
So do you have any idols taking up residence in your life?  As you can see from the ones I've pulled off my shelves and out of my closets, they don't all look like golden calves.  Power, money, pride, self image, technology, maybe even something seemingly good like exercise - "whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god."  It's my prayer that this 29 day journey will lead to new behaviors, restore some old healthy ones, and will rid me of excuses for not digging deeper with the One who said "you shall have no other gods before Me."  I'll let you know what I continue to learn along the way...and just maybe you'll be encouraged to join me.


*photo credit - http://blog.ourchurch.com/2010/01/26/the-10-commandments-of-social-networking/