Waiting or Abiding?

It's amazing what you can learn when you pick up a dictionary.  Well, okay,  it's been a long time since I've held the pages of that book in my hands...dictionary.com is my go to source anymore.  Like the encyclopedia, an actual dictionary is going the way of the dinosaur.  But I digress...

I was considering what to call this blog entry about where I've been the past month.  I typed in "abiding".  Then I thought..."that's not really a user friendly word.  Kind of 'old-fashioned' like a word you'd find in an old hymn.  Just a word that people won't relate to so much any more."  So I backspaced over it and typed..."waiting".   I really thought the words were synonyms...that they could be used interchangeably.

Then the wordsmith in me said 'look them up'.  So I did.  I think my wordsmithyness - okay that's not really a word, but, that thing in me that strives to use words that most closely and concisely convey my thoughts - that thing...was influenced by God.  Because this is what I found and it really does speak to the point I set out to make today:

"Waiting" used as an a noun means a period of waiting, pause, interval or delay.  As a verb, it means to remain inactive in a state of repose as until something expected happens.  A secondary meaning is to postpone or delay in expectation.  But "abiding" isn't ever used as a noun.  As an adjective, it means continuing without change; enduring; steadfast.   And as a verb?  To remain, continue, stay...to endure, sustain, or withstand without yielding or submitting.  Do you see the difference?

Waiting, even as an action, is passive.  Abiding requires an engagement of the senses...yes, it says remain and stay which don't indicate movement, but then it goes further.  It says 'endure'...which means to hold out against - it's an engagement of the will...'sustain' - support, hold, bear up, undergo, experience, suffer - an engagement of the body...'withstand' - hold out against, resist or oppose...engagement of the mind.  When you abide, it is no passive thing.  You may not be in forward motion, but every part of you is on alert.  You are in a fight - even if that fight is to not lose ground.  You are engaged body, mind, and spirit.

These past few weeks, my pen has been silent.  I have also stepped back from a number of ministry obligations.  But I am not in 'repose'.  Quite the opposite.  I am engaged in a battle.  It is a fight for things precious to me.  This 'down' time is not about putting my life on pause even though I'm clearing my calendar...it is about putting on the full armor of God at described in Eph. 6:10-18.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.  Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.  For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.  In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere."

The passage above tells us to stand firm or stand our ground 3 times and it clearly shows the action involved in that...be strong, resist, be prepared, stay alert and be persistent in prayer. 

So while I'm going through this trial that I cannot delve into at this juncture, I am not laying back, waiting on God to move...I'm abiding in His presence, abiding in His love, and abiding in the truth of His promises.  I am actively enduring and withstanding.  Abiding is more than mere waiting...it is looking to God with hope and expectancy...abiding is not allowing the circumstances to wash over you...it is digging in your heels, eyes looking "to the hills from where my help comes". 

So I ask you...when you face troubles and trials...are you waiting anxiously for them to blow over as they put your life on pause?  Or are you abiding in God, putting on His armor, preparing for battle and standing firm?  Waiting or abiding...the difference is huge.

Rejoicing Through Service

Psalm 118:24:  "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." 

"Let us rejoice and be glad".  How do you rejoice in a day?  Did you enjoy the sunny weather? (At least it was sunny and in the high 70s here in New Jersey).  Did you relax and spend time with family?  Did you do things around the house?  Did you spend time talking to God?  Were you even thankful for the day?

For me, rejoicing in the day meant going to the local Salvation Army Drop-In center with a group from my church to serve in a program we've dubbed "Meals & More".  It's simple really.  We serve a meal and give out a little something 'more'...this time out it was a 'hygiene kit' of toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, hand sanitizer, pack of tissues, and for the ladies, some 'feminine products' as well.

While it's a wonderful way for people in our church - and sometimes their friends and neighbors - to serve others, the birth of this service project wasn't quite so simple.  It was originally meant to be a one time project but it quickly became a congregational favorite and a regular item on our calendar.

The reason it was initially a 'one time project' was because it was conceived to provide attendees of our Living Nativity last December, an 'after-Christmas' way to plug into our church and the community.  Everyone is in the giving spirit around the holidays...but once the decorations are put away and the bleak, gray skies of January take hold, doing good for our fellow man often goes by the wayside.  While I understood the concept of what church leadership wanted, I was struggling to believe that it would be well received by people who were not part of the regular congregation.  I mean, we reach out to the community, but we were being asked to help the community reach out to itself, and I confess, I was having trouble wrapping my brain around that.


The Live Nativity was for 2 weekends in December, and as I said, it was an outreach to our community.  A free and creative way for them to experience the truth of Christmas.  We asked local organizations and non-profits to participate by decorating ornaments for a 'pageant of  peace trees'...16 Christmas trees which lined the path from the parking lot to the beginning of the Nativity walk through. 

We put up signs and advertised in a variety of ways the event which included not only the outdoor, live animal and actor Nativity, but carolers and fire pits for roasting marshmallows.  Inside the church there was hot chocolate, baked goodies, a bell choir and crafts for kids to make.

CommunityConnections, the outreach ministry of our church, came up with two ideas that allowed attendees to connect with others.  The first was something they could do right there during their visit.  We provided cards and pens and encouraged them to write a message to a soldier serving overseas.  Approximately 1,400 people attended the event in 4 days, and over 500 of them wrote messages in cards where were shipped off to soldiers in Afghanistan!  That first weekend we actually ran out of cards or there might have been even more.  The second idea was to partner with the local Salvation Army and serve a meal in their drop in center.  The original name was "Soup and Socks" because it was our intent to serve soup and sandwiches and hand out a pair or two of new socks to each client of the center.  I was pleasantly surprised that more than 40 people signed up to help - almost half of them from outside our congregation.

That's when I discovered our plan had a problem.  The kitchen at the Drop-In Center is small - only about 12 people are needed - 15 at the absolute max.  And many people had signed up as families, excited that their children could learn the benefits of helping their fellow man.  Problem was, the Salvation Army couldn't have anyone under the age of 18 serving there.  It was time to develop another strategy.

We decided to make it a 'multi-tiered' participation.  Those who wanted to help, but couldn't physically go were encouraged to donate food.  Those with children came to the church to help prep - put together sandwiches, bag cookies, and open packages of socks and pair them. 

The remaining adults headed to the Salvation Army to actually serve the food.  We had provided recipes for a basic chicken noodle soup and chocolate chip cookies, so that even though multiple people were preparing the items, it was all the same thing.  In addition to those two menu offerings, we made turkey sandwiches and ham sandwiches and gave out apples and oranges.  There was bottled water, lemonade and iced tea to drink. 

We discovered that there are no meals served on the weekends in our city other than what the Drop-In Center can provide on occasion through church and other groups.  That knowledge and the overwhelming positive feedback from those who participated, led to us conclude that we needed to do this again.  So today was the third time this year we've been at the center.  And next year we're planning to do it quarterly.  Ultimately, I'd love to find some funding to allow us to do this once a month. 

Of course, once we decided to serve throughout the year, we needed a new name...'Soup and Socks' was fine for January...but June?  Several ideas were kicked around but 'Meals and More' won out - a simple yet comprehensive description of what we provide. 

And so, that's how I rejoiced in this beautiful, Fall, God-given day...fellowshipping through service with church friends, partnering with people at the Salvation Army who are living out their faith every day, and serving those who are struggling to find a foothold in a life that has handed them great challenges and unforeseen disappointments.  I hope today we gave them as much joy in receiving a delicious, home-cooked meal and some basic necessities, as we had putting it all together and serving them. 

So, how did you rejoice?

The Facebook "Maybe"

Awhile ago a friend and I were talking about our crazy schedules and how fast our calendars were filling up.  Then she lamented about people who talk to you about doing something, but never fully commit.  The problem arises when something else comes along that you'd like to do.  You can't really say yes, because this other thing is hanging out there as a possibility and you quazi-committed to it first. 

"Write a blog about the Facebook 'maybe'"she said.  "Huh?".  "Ya know, the Facebook maybe...when you create an event and people don't want you to be upset if they don't come, but they don't want to commit either, so they choose maybe - even when they have no intention of making it."

While Facebook, Evite, and all the cool sites let you do it - firmly commit to not committing, or what I'm calling the "non-choice" - it isn't a product of the social media era.  It's as old as time.  As my mom used to say "there's nothing new under the sun."

Proof of that is found right in Revelation 3:14-19 which says:  “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen—the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation:  “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other!  But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!  You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.  So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference."

Quite a rebuke.  It reminds me a little of when my kids were young.  They'd ask if we could do such and such and I'd reply...'maybe'...or 'we'll see', thinking I was putting them off with a reasonable response.  One day my son had had enough!  "You know that means no mom.  Whenever you say maybe, we don't do it.  Why don't you just say yes or no?"

Good question.  Why don't we just say yes or no?  The Bible was pretty straightforward about how God feels when we "non-choice" Him.  Obviously God doesn't desire a 'no' from us, but it's quite clear from this passage that a lukewarm maybe is just as detestable to Him - if not more so!  We often kid ourselves, feeling pretty good about our non-commitment...I mean, at least we're not in that group of obvious commitment phobes...the "awaiting reply" group...now THOSE folks, ha!  They're the ones with a problem - the ones who can't even choose to think about choosing...right?   Wrong.  That church at Laodicea was instructed to be diligent and turn from its indifference.  And we are called to do the same.

The passage says "I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold."  Don't hand God a maybe and think you're getting away with something or buying time.  You don’t even realize "that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked."  Open your eyes.  Make a choice...a real choice.  You've been invited to the greatest event of all time.  An eternal party.  A celebration that will never end.  He's awaiting your reply.  Commit to Him with your whole heart.  Anything else is just a non-choice.

From Despair to Prayer - The Prayer Addendum

Perhaps I was a bit hasty to write "the last installment".  When I went back over what was written, I saw a lot about my struggle, a lot about the lessons from nature God used to speak to my heart, and yet very little about the actual journey of prayer!  Yes, I logged that I began praying again on my way down to Ocean City.  And that God confirmed the convictions I'd had through my devotional the next day...but I did a lot more praying - especially as I read Bill Hybels book.

One of the things he talked about was the acrostic A.C.T.S.  If you've been a Christian for any length of time, I'm sure you've heard of it.  It stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplications (or requests).

I think for a long time, I confused Adoration and Thanksgiving.  Bill talked about acknowledging God for who He is.  Omnipresent.  Omniscient.  Omnipotent.

That's when I began to realize that praising him is not the same as thanking him.  Seeing who he is isn't the same as being grateful for what he's done.  When you're sitting next to the vastness of the ocean, you begin to get a sense of how immense and complex and creative He is.  Can you even fathom counting the grains of sand on that one beach?  Think of it in terms of space and stars and galaxies...does your mind hurt trying to wrap itself around that enormity?  Praise Him for He is glorious!  When you have a more accurate picture of who you're going to in prayer it does a number of things.  It puts stuff in perspective.  If God created all of this - and holds it together each and every day - can he not handle whatever your problems are?  He created you as well.  Psalm 139 tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made!  That he formed us in our mother's womb and knew us before the beginning of time.  He loved us with an everlasting love - can we do anything less that sit back on our heels in awestruck wonder...or fall on our faces in utter abandonment saying Abba Father, we adore you?  As I began processing these thoughts I started to sing the words to an old, simple song of praise Father I adore you, lay my life before you, how I love you.  Those same refrains then substitute Jesus for Father then Spirit for Jesus.  Then this song came to mind: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name.  Master, Savior, Jesus like the fragrance, after the rain.  Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all heaven and earth proclaim...kings and kingdoms will all pass away, but there's something about that name.

Now that my heart was in a place where I could truly see His perfection, I also clearly saw many of my imperfections...and I began to confess them.  Again, the book highlighted such a thing in a way I had not thought of before.  Bill tells a story of a congregant who came to see him to say he was tired of all this talk of 'sinning.'  As far as he was concerned, he wasn't a sinner.  Bill asked how long he'd been married.  It was a long time - something like 25 years.  Bill said, 'You mean to tell me in all that time you've never been unfaithful to your wife?  You have always done what is right?'  The man replied, 'Well, I'm in sales.  You know, I'm on the road a lot.'  He laughed a bit nervously.  Bill said 'He didn't admit it outright, but we both knew what he was getting at.'  Then he asked the man, 'Have you ever put down something on an expense report that you shouldn't have?  Gotten credit for something that wasn't really applicable?' 'Everyone does' was the reply.'  'And what about the product you sell?  Ever enhance the benefits knowing it wasn't true just to make a sale?'  'That's just industry standard' he argued 'It's expected!'.  Bill looked at this "non-sinner" and said to him, you've just admitted to me that you are an adulterer, a cheat and a liar.  The man looked shocked.  'Say it out loud' Bill instructed.  'This is what you are an adulterer, a cheater and a liar.'  Wow.  Have you whitewashed your sins?  I know I have.  Are you just sharing stories or are you a gossip?  Are you  just venting or are you a constant complainer?  Do you 'borrow' pens, paper, folders, any kind of office supplies from work?  You're a thief.  Ugly words, aren't they?  But sin is ugly.  We have ALL sinned and come short of the glory of God - instead of denying that fact, why don't you ask forgiveness for it and have it taken away?  I spend some time each day asking God to search my heart.  When I'm aware of what I've done that needs confessing, I do...but I also ask that He would show me areas I may not even be aware of.

Now that my heart was lighter, I could truly give thanks.  That week I started with thanking Him for the gift of the beach house, for my senses that allowed me to fully drink it all in - sight, sound, smell, touch...for the car that brought me down there, for the job waiting for me when I returned.  For the friends who texted to say they were praying for me, for revealing His love for me through my Bible and the writings of others.  For every lesson He loving taught me through the birds, the shells, the consistency of the waves and the rising of the sun each morning.  The words of another song came to mind and I sang them too...'give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks, to the Holy one, give thanks for He's given Jesus Christ His Son.  And now, let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich, because of what the Lord has done for us.  Give thanks.'

Finally, I brought my requests to God.  I prayed for my children to return to a right relationship with Him.  I prayed for clarity and wisdom on a number of issues where decisions needed to be made.  I prayed for the well-being of my friends - not in general terms, but mentioned each by name and lifted their specific situations to Him.  I asked that He would guide my ministry, the leaders of my church, and those of our nation.  There are always many requests, but with a heart that's been prepared, they don't take on such a 'give me' quality.

As I closed out that specific time of prayer - I say that because I also talk to God throughout the day as things arise - I thanked Him for His promises and that He is faithful to carry them out.  I opened my Bible, read a few Psalms, sang another song of praise and sat back silently to listen to what He had to say.  The words of Habakkuk 2:1 came to mind...I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say to me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

So this then, is the true and fitting end to what happened on my journey from Despair to Prayer.  I hope you are able to glean something helpful from it.  I pray that God speaks to your heart as clearly as He spoke to mine...I know He will if you seek Him.

From Despair to Prayer - Part 5 - The Last Installment

Day Two in Ocean City began early.  I woke up a little after 6am and looked out the back door in time to see the sun beginning to rise out of the ocean at the horizon.  A tiny ball of yellow with hues of blue, rose and orange surrounding it.  I opened my devotional and the words jumped off the page.

If you've followed this journey, you may remember that just the day before I had been praying "...for His forgiveness for my pride, my critical spirit, and my judgmental attitude."  I had come to the conclusion that "My job was to make sure that MY heart was right before God.  That I was seeking and doing His will.  I could pray for others, that they too were seeking God's face in decisions they were making, but beyond that, I needed to hang up my robe and set down the gavel."  Well, apparently I was right on the money about what I'd been doing because THIS is what the devotional said that morning..."Come to me and rest.  Give your mind a break from its habitual judging.  You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself, even the weather - as if judging were your main function in life.  But I created you first and foremost to know me and to live in rich communication with Me.  When you become preoccupied with passing judgment, you usurp My role."

I actually stopped reading and said out loud "but God...I came to that realization yesterday!"  He knows me well enough to know I need a reminder.  In fact, just a week after I returned home this was once again put to the test.  I wish I could say I passed with flying colors, not judging things at all, but I can say that where I might have dwelt on the situation and let it gnaw at me, I was able to recognize what was going on in my heart and mind and pray about it immediately to give it over to God.  Progress.

In keeping with my routine, after my quite time, I went down to the beach for a long walk, then grabbed my things and settled in to read.  The book I opened first was "Too Busy NOT To Pray", by Bill Hybels.  This book has been out for years - in fact, I had the "20th anniversary edition" which was published in 2008.  Apparently I'd been really busy, because I'd not heard of it before!  I lead a monthly prayer group for women and I'd been looking for a good resource from which to extract devotionals before we shared requests and got down to the business of praying.  My friend Teri, who is also the leader of our Women's Ministries Team had offered up this book and another as suggestions.  I'm so glad she did!

As I've also said in previous posts, I thought I had the prayer part of my walk down pretty well.  Thought I was pretty faithful.  But the truth is, there is ALWAYS room to grow in our relationship with God.  And as imperfect human beings, we need to remember that we've never got anything 'down pat' this side of heaven.  In fact, it reminds me of a joke I heard once.  After a service, a pastor was shaking hands with attendees.  One man said, "Pastor, I just want to tell you, I've worked very hard at keeping all the commandments this week...I haven't broken one!"  To which the pastor replied "well, now, you must be very proud of that."  The man nodded in the affirmative, not even aware of his sin of pride.  We can't and won't ever get it all right all the time.  If we could do that on our own, we'd have no need of a Savior.

Back to the book...of course it's broken into chapters, but in addition, each few chapters have an overall theme...God calls us into His presence, God invites us to talk with Him, God breaks down the barriers between us, God speaks to our hearts and God prompts us to action.  Many concepts in this book weren't necessarily new to me, but they brought me back to the basics in such a manner that I saw things in a fresh way.  There was a chapter called "mountain-moving prayer" that I especially connected with.

Bill Hybels begins the chapter by quoting Matthew 21:21-22..."Jesus said, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.  If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.'"  Then Bill says "Jesus, of course, was not in the excavation business.  He had little interest in relocating piles of rocks to the ocean's depths.  He was using the term 'mountain' figuratively, in hopes of conveying to all believers that we can be confident that our prayers carry great power."  He then goes on to cite two principles he'd learned over the years...1) Faith comes by looking at God, not at the mountain and  2) God gives us faith as we walk by His side.

I had been looking at the mountain so long it had paralyzed me with fear and filled me with frustration.  It had kept me from seeking the Mountain Mover.  When I failed to walk by His side daily, my faith weakened.  I didn't doubt God, but I wasn't trusting Him for everything and in everything either.

Later that afternoon as the tide went out, I took another walk down the shoreline looking at all the shells left behind.  I found a small conch shell and picked it up.  When I turned it over, I saw that it was broken.  I was disappointed because I thought it was complete until I saw the underside.  As I went to toss it into the waves, I stopped, because I felt God was speaking to my heart... "you're like this shell, Toni.  Even though it's been tossed by the sea and broken in places, I created it with an intricate beauty that remains.  In fact, those seeming imperfections are what make it unique, different from all the others"  I realized that God would never toss me away because I was broken.  I rinsed off the sand and brought it back to the house.  It now sits on my desk, a daily reminder that there is beauty in our brokenness when we let go of the despair, and receive healing through prayer.