Today, I am exposing some of that brokenness in me.
I have battled a "weight problem" for more years than I care to remember. But the problem is not my weight. It is all the underlying causes - from my inability to battle the cravings that lead to the weight gain to the pride that keeps me from fully submitting the issues to God and a few more things in between.
There are a host of excuses I could offer up...totally justifiable explanations if you asked me just last week.
Like the fact that I deliberately started to gain so that false accusations of infidelity by a mentally and verbally abusive spouse would stop. After all, men don't pay as much attention to the heavy girls, right?
But the mocking of and disgust over my weight gain by that very same person contributed to a downward spiral of emotional eating whenever I was depressed, happy, lonely, fearful, anxious or just disgusted with myself. Unfortunately, blaming the other party only holds so much water. I've been out of that abusive relationship for 7 years, and I am still unable to drop anywhere near all the pounds for any length of time.
Sometimes I'd try to diet - all sensible approaches - but nothing gave lasting results. 30 pounds down, I would begin a slow but steady climb back up...over and over during the past 15 - 20 years.
Then, the other day, I read about Proverbs 31 OBS - OBS for Online Bible Study - on the (in)courage web site. The study? "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.
I saw the cover picture of the book and thought "I have that somewhere". Someone, at some point in time, had given it to me. Perhaps, for such a time as this. I was amazed that in my extensive library of books, I was able to put my hands on it in just a minute or two. Must be a sign.
The subtitle is "Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food". I need to know how to do that.
So, I went online and signed up. It was easy. Far easier than I'm assuming this study will be. Submission is never a simple task. It is a deliberate act of the will. And remember, being willful is one of my "issues".
This quote from Chapter 1 told me that Lysa really understands what I'm dealing with..."The weight loss company's theory is to teach what foods are more filling and encourage consumption of those. But does that really help overcome cravings? For me, it does not. The answer will never be found in only learning to modify my choices. Choosing better foods is certainly a part of this journey. However, simply telling me to eat healthier foods that will help me feel full longer doesn't address the heart of the matter. I can feel full after a meal and still crave chocolate pie for dessert."
Yep, Lysa TerKeurst gets it...and I'm excited to read and discuss how she will address the heart of the matter.
The OBS starts today, Sunday, January 19th. It goes for six weeks. While the subtitle mentions food, this is a study that I am told will help you with whatever that craving is that you give in to and put before God. You can read more about it by clicking through on the Proverbs 31 OBS link in this post.
Although I'd love to lose some weight, I'm more excited over the possibility of once and for all learning how I can take these misplaced cravings and transfer them into a greater craving for God. I trust and believe the rest will follow.
I'm asking for your prayers as I embark on this journey. Putting something like this out there for all to see is a scary step for me. But there are over 36,000 women from all over the world who will be taking this path along with me over the next 6 weeks. You are invited too...will you join me?