Over at God-sized Dreams they're talking about the back story to their God-sized dream this week.Mine started with rejection.
No, I wasn't the least popular kid in school.
In fact, I'm probably one of the few who actually enjoyed high school.
I ran track and played field hockey.
I was in the chorus, advanced chorus and drama clubs. I even won first place for a duet I sang with my now Broadway actor friend in the "Cultural Olympics" - the artsy kid's answer to competition at my very sports-oriented high school.
I was National Honor Society. I was 10th in my class of 440.
I was an achiever. And, I was a believer.
But...I had absolutely no self-confidence whatsoever because I put my trust and faith in a person who always belittled my achievements. And then I married him.
Why do some of our greatest hurts come from the very people who should offer protection?
After years of negativity spoken over me, I was convinced I was no one, with nothing to offer.
Eventually, I sought solace in the church. I put my faith and trust into doing things. I began by organizing a women's retreat. After approaching someone to ask why we hadn't had one in several years, I was handed a stack of folders and told to "have at it".
Anyone who's ever coordinated a women's retreat will truly appreciate this...in less than six months, I found a location, a speaker, put together an agenda, and signed up 50 or so women. Success, right?
No!!
Instead of appreciation, I was bombarded by complaints about the speaker, the content, the meals, you name it.
Why do some of our greatest hurts come from within the very place that should offer healing?
I came home from that retreat scarred and defeated. So much so, that the following year, when I once again led the retreat team, my unsaved husband said "Why would you do that to yourself? They ate you alive last year!" Even he saw what the experience had done to me.
I wish I could say that rejection ended there. But life is not perfect. People are not perfect. The church is not perfect.
Still, there is a difference in my life today. When rejection comes, it does not mean all is lost. Joel 2:25 says "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust, my great army which I sent among you."
What I now realize is that although painful, each experience, each rejection, moved me on to something or someplace else. And with each new thing, another piece of the puzzle fit into place. My faith and trust is now in God alone. Rejection has led to restoration. And restoration has equipped me to begin living a God-sized dream.
What has God used in your life to equip you for His purposes? I'd love to hear your story in the comments...
Thanks for sharing. It must have been so discouraging to experience rejection on your first attempt to do something big. I'm glad you didn't give up! :-) I don't understand why some men belittle their women. Is it because their egos are tied to their success and they need a women who is not as successful to maintain their ego. So sad. I was an "achiever" in high school as well and my self-esteem was very closed tied to that. It caused me much pain through the years. It may seem cliche, but I think God has been trying to show me that I will have a God-sized dream but it will be done with God's strength and guidance, not solely with my own intelligence and achievement.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. It must have been so discouraging to experience rejection on your first attempt to do something big. I'm glad you didn't give up! :-) I don't understand why some men belittle their women. Is it because their egos are tied to their success and they need a women who is not as successful to maintain their ego. So sad. I was an "achiever" in high school as well and my self-esteem was very closed tied to that. It caused me much pain through the years. It may seem cliche, but I think God has been trying to show me that I will have a God-sized dream but it will be done with God's strength and guidance, not solely with my own intelligence and achievement.
ReplyDeleteIt was certainly a learning experience!! Thankfully, the speaker sensed the problems and took me aside to pray with and for me and tried to adjust her presentation to better meet the group's needs...but yes, their reaction was really, really discouraging. As to the belittling, I'm sure ego, or their own poor self-worth, has much to do with it. All the more reason why we should not take our sense of self-worth from another. To say that your dream will be done with God's strength and guidance as opposed to your own intelligence and achievement is not cliché - it is truth!! Everything we are gifted with - talents, passions, abilities - are all from God, and without him, nothing of lasting value is accomplished :)
DeleteThanks Toni for sharing this poignant reminder about where we place our trust and "bank on" our identity. It is so easy to slip into improper thinking in this area and feel as though we have "failed" especially if we are achievers or as some would say, "over-achievers." Can definitely relate to this post and am thankful for your reminder this morning.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you stopped by Jennifer...and glad you mentioned "trust". I stopped by your blog as well and was equally blessed by what I read there.
DeleteP.S. I just saw your 1 Word for 2014 and interesting...the Lord laid that on my heart right before the start of the New Year. I have been focusing on 40 Days of Trust on my blog. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Toni I hear you. That is so hard to be able, willing and to do it - only for it to be hacked apart by those who should have encouraged and supported you.
ReplyDeleteYou speak such wisdom here my friend. We are setting a huge example when we carry on as you did. You showed grace and strength, and resilience.
Love your courage in pursuing your God sized dream! You inspire me.
Hi Shanyn- thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words. It took some licking of the wounds before I decided to go back into the fray, but I felt like I had taken on a huge learning curve. I am happy to say that the second go 'round for the retreat things were much better received. Knowing the level of expectation of the "audience" helped, but no one should ever tear into another as it happened the first time. Especially right there, during the retreat!! I may have even uttered the words "where were you when I was trying to put together a committee? That would have been a much better time to voice an opinion." So much for grace in the moment :)
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