Tracking "Trust"

It's hard to believe it's the middle of April.  A month that has seen a high of almost 80 degrees on Sunday and a dusting of snow by Tuesday evening. 

A paradox - rather like my life at this moment in time.

And in the midst of the flux...in the middle of the ups and downs...I'm pausing to review the status of my "one word" for 2014.

I never dreamed the extent to which this word would change my life this year.

I knew it would bring testing.  I knew it would bring growth.

But the journey has really just begun.

My word is trust.  And my verses are Proverbs 3:5-6.

I am literally standing on the threshold  between old and new. 

Selling my home of 28 years, in search of a place to go.

Many try to heap on encouragement. 

"How exciting! You are free to go anywhere!"
"It's a new chapter in your life!"
"Think of the stories you can blog about!"

But I am not free to go anywhere, do anything.  I am bound by circumstances and finances. 

If I let it, the fear of the unknown could easily overwhelm.  The storm clouds of "what if" could overtake me and plunge me into darkness as the rain falls heavy on my soul.  And if I'm being honest, there are days I feel like I don't have it in me to trust any more.

But God. 

Each day He sends me little love letters.  He uncovers this word trust that is tucked into the pages of His word. 
  
There are so many, but  Psalm 84:11-12 is one that comes to me frequently. Psalm 56: 3-4 was His gift to me today.

And of course, those verses in Proverbs.

They tell me NOT to lean on my own understanding.  My finite, narrow, inside the box understanding.

They use words like "trust" and "submit".  These are not passive words.  No...they are full of action even as I stand still, waiting and watching.  They are not words for the weak in spirit.  They take a full and deliberate act of will.

And they are not cursory suggestions.  I am to trust with my WHOLE heart.  I am to submit in ALL my ways.

Right now I can see no answers.  No possibilities.  No light at the end of the tunnel.

But I trust all those things are there.  Even when I wander, wallowing just a bit in the mire of doubt and fear, I feel His hand grab mine.  I sense His arm around me, pulling me up again, setting me on firm ground... and I trust the One who has never given me a reason NOT to trust Him.

Psalm 118:5 says "In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free."

There are limitations on this human form.  But my God is not bound by this world.

He sets me free in a very different way.

So how am I doing with my one word this year?  I'm holding on to it for everything it's worth.