The Power of Words

I'm making hamburgers for lunch.  As the meat sizzles in the pan, my almost 22  year old son says to me "making monkey brain sandwiches?"

"What?" 

"I don't remember much from childhood" he continues "but I remember you once told me ground beef was monkey brains - that's why I won't eat it."

This is a revelation to me.  I don't ever in my life recall making that reference.  Ever.  But he is insistent.  So, maybe he's right.  Maybe I joked about it never thinking that it would cause such a strong reaction in him.

As someone who loves words I thought I was very aware of what these little symbols on a page can do.  My "love language" is words of affirmation, so I know when you express words audibly, with emotion and inflection behind them, they have even greater power to bring joy or sorrow, healing or pain.

It's one of the reasons why, when this same son and I used to share a computer, he would groan if he wanted to use it and I was already on.

"What's the matter?  I'll be off in a minute...I'm just writing a quick email."

"There is no such thing as a quick email for you" he'd complain.  "You don't just write them, you write and re-write!"

In fact, that's true.  A friend of mine says I don't write emails so much as 'craft' them.  I try to be thorough and clear since there are no verbal cues to indicate intent.

It's so easy to take words and how we use them for granted. 

I lead a prayer group once a month. We're reading and discussing "Too Busy Not To Pray" by Bill Hybels.  This past week, there was a section entitled "Mean What We Say."  He talks about using 'sanctified jargon' while praying, saying that many may not even think about the implications of what they are saying. 

He gives this example "Dear Lord, please be with me as I go on this new job interview" or "be with me as I go on this trip."  When you first hear it, the request sounds holy.  Unfortunately, it doesn't make sense.  I'm often tempted to ask the one who is praying, "why do you ask God to do what he is already doing?"  In Matthew 28:20 Jesus says, "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  In Hebrews 13:5, God says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  ...One of Jesus' names, Emmanuel, means "God with us."  We don't need to ask God to be with us if we are members of his family.  Instead we need to pray that we will be aware of his presence, that we will be confident because of it."  Seems so obvious when he puts it that way, doesn't it?  But I'm sure we've all been guilty of something similar.

The Bible has much to say on the power of words.  Proverbs especially dedicates many verses to the subject. 13:3 warns "He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin."  16:34 instructs "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." and 18:21 says "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." There are are many more examples, but I'm sure you get the idea...words can be a weapon or a healing salve...or in the case of what I'm assuming must have been a teasing, off-the-cuff remark, they have the power to alter how someone else views things, good or bad.

So here's my challenge to you today.  Think before you speak.  Whether or not your conversation is emotionally charged, your words have a lasting effect on others.  Use them to encourage, teach and uplift.  And never, ever tell a kid that ground beef is really monkey brains LOL!

From Despair to Prayer - The Prayer Addendum

Perhaps I was a bit hasty to write "the last installment".  When I went back over what was written, I saw a lot about my struggle, a lot about the lessons from nature God used to speak to my heart, and yet very little about the actual journey of prayer!  Yes, I logged that I began praying again on my way down to Ocean City.  And that God confirmed the convictions I'd had through my devotional the next day...but I did a lot more praying - especially as I read Bill Hybels book.

One of the things he talked about was the acrostic A.C.T.S.  If you've been a Christian for any length of time, I'm sure you've heard of it.  It stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplications (or requests).

I think for a long time, I confused Adoration and Thanksgiving.  Bill talked about acknowledging God for who He is.  Omnipresent.  Omniscient.  Omnipotent.

That's when I began to realize that praising him is not the same as thanking him.  Seeing who he is isn't the same as being grateful for what he's done.  When you're sitting next to the vastness of the ocean, you begin to get a sense of how immense and complex and creative He is.  Can you even fathom counting the grains of sand on that one beach?  Think of it in terms of space and stars and galaxies...does your mind hurt trying to wrap itself around that enormity?  Praise Him for He is glorious!  When you have a more accurate picture of who you're going to in prayer it does a number of things.  It puts stuff in perspective.  If God created all of this - and holds it together each and every day - can he not handle whatever your problems are?  He created you as well.  Psalm 139 tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made!  That he formed us in our mother's womb and knew us before the beginning of time.  He loved us with an everlasting love - can we do anything less that sit back on our heels in awestruck wonder...or fall on our faces in utter abandonment saying Abba Father, we adore you?  As I began processing these thoughts I started to sing the words to an old, simple song of praise Father I adore you, lay my life before you, how I love you.  Those same refrains then substitute Jesus for Father then Spirit for Jesus.  Then this song came to mind: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name.  Master, Savior, Jesus like the fragrance, after the rain.  Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all heaven and earth proclaim...kings and kingdoms will all pass away, but there's something about that name.

Now that my heart was in a place where I could truly see His perfection, I also clearly saw many of my imperfections...and I began to confess them.  Again, the book highlighted such a thing in a way I had not thought of before.  Bill tells a story of a congregant who came to see him to say he was tired of all this talk of 'sinning.'  As far as he was concerned, he wasn't a sinner.  Bill asked how long he'd been married.  It was a long time - something like 25 years.  Bill said, 'You mean to tell me in all that time you've never been unfaithful to your wife?  You have always done what is right?'  The man replied, 'Well, I'm in sales.  You know, I'm on the road a lot.'  He laughed a bit nervously.  Bill said 'He didn't admit it outright, but we both knew what he was getting at.'  Then he asked the man, 'Have you ever put down something on an expense report that you shouldn't have?  Gotten credit for something that wasn't really applicable?' 'Everyone does' was the reply.'  'And what about the product you sell?  Ever enhance the benefits knowing it wasn't true just to make a sale?'  'That's just industry standard' he argued 'It's expected!'.  Bill looked at this "non-sinner" and said to him, you've just admitted to me that you are an adulterer, a cheat and a liar.  The man looked shocked.  'Say it out loud' Bill instructed.  'This is what you are an adulterer, a cheater and a liar.'  Wow.  Have you whitewashed your sins?  I know I have.  Are you just sharing stories or are you a gossip?  Are you  just venting or are you a constant complainer?  Do you 'borrow' pens, paper, folders, any kind of office supplies from work?  You're a thief.  Ugly words, aren't they?  But sin is ugly.  We have ALL sinned and come short of the glory of God - instead of denying that fact, why don't you ask forgiveness for it and have it taken away?  I spend some time each day asking God to search my heart.  When I'm aware of what I've done that needs confessing, I do...but I also ask that He would show me areas I may not even be aware of.

Now that my heart was lighter, I could truly give thanks.  That week I started with thanking Him for the gift of the beach house, for my senses that allowed me to fully drink it all in - sight, sound, smell, touch...for the car that brought me down there, for the job waiting for me when I returned.  For the friends who texted to say they were praying for me, for revealing His love for me through my Bible and the writings of others.  For every lesson He loving taught me through the birds, the shells, the consistency of the waves and the rising of the sun each morning.  The words of another song came to mind and I sang them too...'give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks, to the Holy one, give thanks for He's given Jesus Christ His Son.  And now, let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich, because of what the Lord has done for us.  Give thanks.'

Finally, I brought my requests to God.  I prayed for my children to return to a right relationship with Him.  I prayed for clarity and wisdom on a number of issues where decisions needed to be made.  I prayed for the well-being of my friends - not in general terms, but mentioned each by name and lifted their specific situations to Him.  I asked that He would guide my ministry, the leaders of my church, and those of our nation.  There are always many requests, but with a heart that's been prepared, they don't take on such a 'give me' quality.

As I closed out that specific time of prayer - I say that because I also talk to God throughout the day as things arise - I thanked Him for His promises and that He is faithful to carry them out.  I opened my Bible, read a few Psalms, sang another song of praise and sat back silently to listen to what He had to say.  The words of Habakkuk 2:1 came to mind...I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say to me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

So this then, is the true and fitting end to what happened on my journey from Despair to Prayer.  I hope you are able to glean something helpful from it.  I pray that God speaks to your heart as clearly as He spoke to mine...I know He will if you seek Him.

From Despair to Prayer - Part 5 - The Last Installment

Day Two in Ocean City began early.  I woke up a little after 6am and looked out the back door in time to see the sun beginning to rise out of the ocean at the horizon.  A tiny ball of yellow with hues of blue, rose and orange surrounding it.  I opened my devotional and the words jumped off the page.

If you've followed this journey, you may remember that just the day before I had been praying "...for His forgiveness for my pride, my critical spirit, and my judgmental attitude."  I had come to the conclusion that "My job was to make sure that MY heart was right before God.  That I was seeking and doing His will.  I could pray for others, that they too were seeking God's face in decisions they were making, but beyond that, I needed to hang up my robe and set down the gavel."  Well, apparently I was right on the money about what I'd been doing because THIS is what the devotional said that morning..."Come to me and rest.  Give your mind a break from its habitual judging.  You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself, even the weather - as if judging were your main function in life.  But I created you first and foremost to know me and to live in rich communication with Me.  When you become preoccupied with passing judgment, you usurp My role."

I actually stopped reading and said out loud "but God...I came to that realization yesterday!"  He knows me well enough to know I need a reminder.  In fact, just a week after I returned home this was once again put to the test.  I wish I could say I passed with flying colors, not judging things at all, but I can say that where I might have dwelt on the situation and let it gnaw at me, I was able to recognize what was going on in my heart and mind and pray about it immediately to give it over to God.  Progress.

In keeping with my routine, after my quite time, I went down to the beach for a long walk, then grabbed my things and settled in to read.  The book I opened first was "Too Busy NOT To Pray", by Bill Hybels.  This book has been out for years - in fact, I had the "20th anniversary edition" which was published in 2008.  Apparently I'd been really busy, because I'd not heard of it before!  I lead a monthly prayer group for women and I'd been looking for a good resource from which to extract devotionals before we shared requests and got down to the business of praying.  My friend Teri, who is also the leader of our Women's Ministries Team had offered up this book and another as suggestions.  I'm so glad she did!

As I've also said in previous posts, I thought I had the prayer part of my walk down pretty well.  Thought I was pretty faithful.  But the truth is, there is ALWAYS room to grow in our relationship with God.  And as imperfect human beings, we need to remember that we've never got anything 'down pat' this side of heaven.  In fact, it reminds me of a joke I heard once.  After a service, a pastor was shaking hands with attendees.  One man said, "Pastor, I just want to tell you, I've worked very hard at keeping all the commandments this week...I haven't broken one!"  To which the pastor replied "well, now, you must be very proud of that."  The man nodded in the affirmative, not even aware of his sin of pride.  We can't and won't ever get it all right all the time.  If we could do that on our own, we'd have no need of a Savior.

Back to the book...of course it's broken into chapters, but in addition, each few chapters have an overall theme...God calls us into His presence, God invites us to talk with Him, God breaks down the barriers between us, God speaks to our hearts and God prompts us to action.  Many concepts in this book weren't necessarily new to me, but they brought me back to the basics in such a manner that I saw things in a fresh way.  There was a chapter called "mountain-moving prayer" that I especially connected with.

Bill Hybels begins the chapter by quoting Matthew 21:21-22..."Jesus said, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.  If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.'"  Then Bill says "Jesus, of course, was not in the excavation business.  He had little interest in relocating piles of rocks to the ocean's depths.  He was using the term 'mountain' figuratively, in hopes of conveying to all believers that we can be confident that our prayers carry great power."  He then goes on to cite two principles he'd learned over the years...1) Faith comes by looking at God, not at the mountain and  2) God gives us faith as we walk by His side.

I had been looking at the mountain so long it had paralyzed me with fear and filled me with frustration.  It had kept me from seeking the Mountain Mover.  When I failed to walk by His side daily, my faith weakened.  I didn't doubt God, but I wasn't trusting Him for everything and in everything either.

Later that afternoon as the tide went out, I took another walk down the shoreline looking at all the shells left behind.  I found a small conch shell and picked it up.  When I turned it over, I saw that it was broken.  I was disappointed because I thought it was complete until I saw the underside.  As I went to toss it into the waves, I stopped, because I felt God was speaking to my heart... "you're like this shell, Toni.  Even though it's been tossed by the sea and broken in places, I created it with an intricate beauty that remains.  In fact, those seeming imperfections are what make it unique, different from all the others"  I realized that God would never toss me away because I was broken.  I rinsed off the sand and brought it back to the house.  It now sits on my desk, a daily reminder that there is beauty in our brokenness when we let go of the despair, and receive healing through prayer.