The Despair to Prayer Chronicles - Part 6

When I started this series, I indicated that I had spent a lot of time trying to compose a post about prayer, but nothing I wrote seemed quite right.

I guess God had to bring me through lots of tears and lessons to get to a point where the words would flow. If you haven't read the earlier entries, click here for part 5 which contains links to all the previous posts.

In this last entry, I want to take that look at the "mechanics" of prayer.

I  mentioned last time that I read Bill Hybels book To Busy Not To Pray.

One of the things he talked about was the acrostic A.C.T.S.  If you've been a Christian for any length of time, I'm sure you've heard of it.  It stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication (or requests).

Although I knew the acrostic, for a long time I confused the meaning and purpose of Adoration and Thanksgiving.  Bill talked about acknowledging God for who He is.  Omnipresent.  Omniscient.  Omnipotent.

That's when I began to realize that praising him is not the same as thanking him. 

Acknowledging who he is isn't the same as being grateful for what he's done.  

When you're sitting next to the vastness of the ocean, you begin to get a sense of how immense and complex and creative He is.  Can you even fathom counting the grains of sand on that one beach?  How about space and stars and galaxies...does your mind hurt trying to wrap itself around that enormity? 

Praise Him for He is glorious! 

When you have a more accurate picture of who you're going to in prayer it puts stuff in perspective.

If God created all of this - and holds it together each and every day - can He not handle whatever your problems are? He created you as well. Psalm 139 tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made!  He formed us in our mother's womb and knew us before the beginning of time. 

He loved us with an everlasting love - can we do anything less than sit back on our heels in awestruck wonder...or fall on our faces in utter abandonment saying Abba Father, we adore you?  

As I began processing these thoughts I started to sing the words to an old, simple song of praise:

Father I adore you, lay my life before you, how I love you. 
Jesus I adore you, lay my life before you, how I love you.
Spirit I adore you, lay my life before you, how I love you.

Then another favorite came to mind:

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name. 
Master, Savior, Jesus like the fragrance, after the rain. 
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all heaven and earth proclaim...
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away, but there's something about that name.

Now that my heart was in a place where I could truly see His perfection, I also clearly saw many of my imperfections...and I began to confess them. 

Again, the book highlighted things in a way I had not thought of before. 

Bill tells a story of a congregant who came to see him to say he was tired of all this talk of 'sinning.'  As far as he was concerned, he wasn't a sinner.  Bill asked how long he'd been married.  It was a long time - something like 25 years.  Bill said, 'You mean to tell me in all that time you've never been unfaithful to your wife?  You have always done what is right?'  The man replied, 'Well, I'm in sales. You know, I'm on the road a lot.'  He laughed a bit nervously.  Bill said 'He didn't admit it outright, but we both knew what he was getting at.' Then he asked the man, 'Have you ever put down something on an expense report that you shouldn't have? Gotten credit for something that wasn't really applicable?' 'Everyone does' was the reply.'  'And what about the product you sell?  Ever enhance the benefits knowing it wasn't true just to make a sale?' 'That's just industry standard' he argued 'It's expected!'.  Bill looked at this "non-sinner" and said to him, you've just admitted to me that you are an adulterer, a cheat and a liar. 

The man looked shocked. 

'Say it out loud' Bill instructed.  'This is what you are - an adulterer, a cheater and a liar.' 

Wow.  Have you whitewashed your sins? I know I have. Are you just sharing stories or are you a gossip?  Are you  just venting or are you a constant complainer? Do you 'borrow' pens, paper, folders, any kind of office supplies from work? You're a thief. Ugly words, aren't they?  But sin is ugly. 

We have ALL sinned and come short of the glory of God. Instead of denying that fact, why don't you ask forgiveness for it and have it taken away?  Spend time each day asking God to search your heart.  When I'm aware of what I've done that needs confessing, I do...but I also ask that He would show me areas I may not even be aware of.

Now that my heart was lighter, I could truly give thanks. That week I started with thanking Him for the gift of the beach house, for my senses that allowed me to fully drink it all in - sight, sound, smell, touch - for the car that brought me down there, for the job waiting for me when I returned. For the friends who texted to say they were praying for me, for God revealing His love for me through my Bible and the writings of others. For every lesson He loving taught me through the birds, the shell, the consistency of the waves and the rising of the sun. 

The words of another song came to mind and I sang them too:

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks, to the Holy one
Give thanks for He's given Jesus Christ His Son. 
And now, let the weak say I am strong
Let the poor say I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us.  Give thanks.

Finally, I brought my requests to God. 

I prayed for my children to return to a right relationship with Him. I prayed for clarity and wisdom on a number of issues where decisions needed to be made. I prayed for the well-being of my friends - not in general terms, but mentioned each by name and lifted their specific situations to Him. I asked that He would guide my ministry, the leaders of my church, and those of our nation. There are always many requests, but with a heart that's been prepared, they don't take on such a 'give me' quality.

As I closed out my prayer time I thanked Him for His promises and His faithfulness to carry them out. 

I opened my Bible, read a few Psalms and sat back silently to listen to what He had to say. 

The words of Habakkuk 2:1 & 2 came to mind...I will stand at my watch, and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what I answer I am to give this complaint. Then the Lord replied: Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.

So this is the conclusion of my journey from Despair to Prayer. I am writing it down and making it plain in the hope that you are able to glean something helpful from it. I pray that God speaks to your heart as clearly as He spoke to mine...I know He will if you seek Him.

The Despair to Prayer Chronicles - Part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of this 6 part journey I wrote exactly 4 years ago. If you missed yesterday's post, you can read it here.

If you did read yesterday's post, you'll recall I was in a "prayer desert", desperately in need of God's presence, but feeling far from it. That's where we pick up today...


Please note the title is "Despair to Prayer" - not "Despair to No Cares".  

Even as I write this, there are things going on in my life that are burdensome. I am in uncharted, possibly life-altering territory and if I'm going to make it through, I need to cling to God...hard.

Prayer isn't a magic pill you swallow that turns everything to sunshine and rainbows.

No, prayer is a lifeline that connects you to the One who holds you fast even in the midst of the fiercest storm.

It gives you strength and focus. It keeps you from drowning in a sea of despair.

I've heard it said 'the day you have no troubles is the day you wake up in heaven'.  We live in a fallen world with a real enemy who, even though he may have lost the battle for our souls (if we're believers), still intends to do everything in his power to keep us from living joyous, power-filled and victorious Christian lives.  He can't alter our future, but he can mess with our present if we allow him to.  Thank God we have this promise "greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world."

Yesterday I said "all of a sudden, I found myself in the desert".  It's not that the trip into the desert was sudden, it was more the actual realization that my throat was parched and I had grit in my teeth that was kind of overnight.  Looking back, I see that things had been piling up, one by one.  That's always the way, isn't it?  Like the Casting Crowns song says:

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade...

I was burning the candle at both ends, and letting things fall through the cracks.  Before I knew it, I was so busy dealing with the squeakiest wheels, I had no time to slow down and hear the still small voice calling me.

The more I didn't pray, the more I didn't want to pray.

By the weekend before I left for vacation, I was physically spent, emotionally raw, and spiritually empty.

I went to church Sunday, but I didn't want to go in and sit down.  I saw a friend in the lobby and shared with her about this overwhelming sadness I couldn't explain, and how the big picture looked so insurmountable I didn't even know where or how to take my next step.

She asked if I'd been to the service yet, and I confessed I really wasn't sure I wanted to go.  "You need to hear it" she said..."he's talking to you right where you are."

I begrudgingly slipped into a seat in the balcony.

That Sunday was the 10th anniversary of 9/11.  The sermon was out of Habakkuk, and the message was about moving from despair to praise.

I wasn't ready to praise!

Instead, I walked out weeping.  Eventually, I tried to regroup and walked back into the sanctuary downstairs, not taking a seat, but standing where no one could see my red eyes.  On the screen flashed verses from Psalm 42.  Several times I read the words "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?"  That's when the tear ducts really opened up. Like the psalmist, I didn't know why, but I knew my soul was downcast.

I couldn't stand anymore. I turned on my heel and left.

That night, before I packed to leave for the shore, I called a friend.  I shared some of what I was feeling.  She gave me an assignment.  "You're going for 3 days, right?"  I confirmed.  "Okay...each day, I want you to read a chapter out of Habakkuk - there are only 3!"  She gave me some other instructions, and said she would be praying for me.

I hung up and set about the task of packing my bags, grateful to be going far enough away that I didn't have to deal with anyone I knew for a few days.

Tomorrow, the praying begins...

Thoughts on Achievement

Achievement.  A noun.  Definition: something accomplished, especially by superior ability, special effort, great courage, etc. 

Next month, I will receive an award.  The "Mercer County Woman of Achievement" award, given in recognition of my work in the community.  At least, I'm sure that's what the committee who reviewed the nomination thinks they are celebrating.  But even as I write "my work" I know that is not true.  

Once I got over the shock of the news, I began thinking about what it meant to be a "woman of achievement."  What had I done really?  I asked that question, not out of a sense of false humility, but of heartfelt sincerety, and this is what came to mind...

Nothing is achieved apart from God. If the work I oversee in my position as outreach ministry head was not in His will, with His blessing, it would not flourish.  God gave the vision and is faithful to complete the work He started.  All praise and glory and honor go to Him and Him alone.  Proverbs 19:21 says:  “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.”

Nothing is achieved alone.  I sit under the tutelage of pastors who "get it."  They know the church is not a building that serves as an exclusive club.  It is a body of believers who need to act on the command to love your neighbor as yourself.  And God has surrounded me with a team of people who have a servants' heart. Their passion for people and compassion for their circumstances is evident in all they do.  They share a vision for doing practical acts of service with no strings attached.  We are motivated to serve just to let others see God's love in action. 

God can use anything and anyone to accomplish His purposes.  Two and a half years ago, when God first burdened my heart with the idea of the outreach ministry, I went to my senior pastor. I clearly remember saying to him "I'm not a leader. I'm an encourager. I'll do whatever someone tells me to do, but I don't want to be chief in charge of anything." I had nothing in my arsenal that defined "achievement". No superior ability (or training of any kind), no special effort, and certainly not great courage - I wanted to hide behind someone else who would take the lead. 

Even further back, almost six years now, God not only spared my job but created an unlikely partnership.  I knew I was slated to be part of a down-sizing and was shocked to find my name had been removed from the list in the 11th hour.  Through a series of circumstances too numerous to detail here (although they are all part of a book I'm working on) I began attending my current church, began heading up the outreach ministry there, and found a benefactor for several of our projects in the owner of my company.  When I think back on that down-sizing incident, the words "for such a time as this" jump to mind.  I'm sure the owner had no idea how he and his money would be used by God several years down the road.

So what is my achievement?  My "something accomplished?"  Those words indicate a job finished, and there is still much to be done.  But, if I'm in the process of achieving anything, it is becoming a vessel for God to work through.  I am not "chief in charge of anything."  God is in control.  And when I become a willing vessel, when I "achieve" laying down my pride and getting out of the way, He is free to use my strengths of being an encourager.  I am free to serve Him the way He's gifted me, by "rallying the troops".  Habakkuk 2:1-2 says :  "I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint. And the Lord answered me: 'Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.'" 

So on November 8th, I will accept the award with my name on it, but I hope I am given the opportunity to set the record straight.  To share with those in attendance that God is the one to be honored.  That anything accomplished through us and sometimes even in spite of us, is not because of us...it is because of Him and His love for us. 

From Despair to Prayer - Part 2

Before I go any farther in detailing this little journey I've been on, please note the title is "From Despair to Prayer" - not "From Despair to No Cares".  Even as I write this, there are things going on in my life that are burdensome, uncharted, possibly life-altering territory and if I'm going to make it through, I need to cling to God...hard.  Note too, that prayer isn't a magic little pill you swallow that turns everything to sunshine and rainbows.  But prayer will give you strength and focus and keep you from drowning in that sea of despair.  It is that lifeline that connects you to the One who holds you fast.  I've heard it said that the day you have no troubles is the day you wake up in heaven.  We live in a fallen world with a real enemy who, even though he may have lost the battle for our soul if we're believers, still intends to do everything in his power to keep us from living joyous, power-filled and victorious Christian lives.  He can't alter our future, but he can mess with our present if we allow him to.  The thing to remember is, greater is He who is in us, than he who is in the world. 

Yesterday I said "all of a sudden, I found myself in the desert".  It's not that the trip into the desert was sudden, it was more the actual realization that I had grit in my teeth and was parched, that was kind of overnight.  Looking back, I see that things had been piling up, one by one.  That's always the way, isn't it?  Like the Casting Crowns song says:

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

I was burning the candle at both ends, and letting things fall through the cracks.  Before I knew it, I was so busy dealing with the squeakiest wheels, I had no time to slow down and hear the still small voice calling me.  The more I didn't pray, the more I didn't want to pray.

By the weekend before I left on vacation I was physically spent, emotionally raw and spiritually empty.  Sunday I went to church, but I didn't want to go in and sit down.  I saw a friend in the lobby and I began to share with her that I had an overwhelming sadness I couldn't explain and that the big picture looked so insurmountable that I didn't even know where or how to take my next step.  She asked if I'd been in to the service yet, and I confessed I really wasn't sure I wanted to go.  "You need to hear it" she said..."he's talking to you right where you are."  I begrudgingly slipped into a seat in the balcony .

That Sunday was the 10th anniversary of 9/11.  The sermon was out of Habakkuk, and the message was about moving from despair to praise.  I began to weep.  I wasn't ready to praise.  I walked out and tried to regroup.  Eventually, I walked back into the sanctuary downstairs, not taking a seat, but standing where no one could see my red eyes.  On the screen flashed verses from Psalm 42.  Several times I read the words "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?"  That's when the tear ducts really opened up. Like the psalmist, I didn't know why, but I knew my soul was downcast.  I couldn't stand anymore.  I turned on my heel and left.

That night, before I packed to leave for the shore, I called a friend.  I shared some of what I was feeling.  She gave me an assignment.  "You're going for 3 days, right?"  I confirmed.  "Okay...each day, I want you to read a chapter out of Habakkuk - there are only 3!"  She gave me some other instructions, and said she would be praying for me.

I hung up and set about the task of packing my bags, grateful to be going far enough away that I didn't have to deal with anyone I knew for a few days. 

Tomorrow, the praying begins...