My One Word for 2019 - Delight

A few months ago, I launched my new website, Tonicampbell.org. Since then, all my new blogs have been posted there. Here's the introduction to my latest...

I remember it so clearly. As 2017 came to a close, I anticipated the year ahead.

"Good riddance 2017, bring on the new year - it's got to be better!"

In March of 2017 I had been diagnosed with Marginal Zone Lymphoma resulting in 12 radiation treatments.

A month later, doctors felt the treatment had not been 100% successful. Another biopsy of the area confirmed there were still cancer cells present. After consultations with other radiation oncologists who specialized in this type of cancer, a determination was made to administer another 20 radiation treatments.

By the last treatment I was tired and sore from reddened skin. It was the week of Thanksgiving and I did my best to get through the holidays.

So by New Year's Eve, I was more than done with the current year and looked forward to the new one. Surely it could only be an improvement over my current circumstances.

It only took three weeks to discover that wasn't the case.

Please join me at tonicampbell.org to read about my one word for 2019 and to share yours. I love reading people's words and why they chose them!

How Much Can You Handle?

We've all heard it said "God won't give you more than you can handle."

Someone may have even shared that sentiment with you during a difficult time.


They meant to encourage you, I'm sure.

God won't give you more than you can handle?

But what about when...

a loved one dies?

you lose all your worldly possessions to a natural disaster?

the doctor says "it's terminal."

When your world is crashing in and your heart feels like it will explode, does it really help to think, "well, at least God knew I could handle it or I wouldn't be going through this?"

If you unpack what's being said, it's not at all comforting and I don't really think it's accurate.

As my friend Pam said "If God never gives us more than we can handle, why would we need His Presence and His help? Our faith, like muscles never given a workout, would become atrophied."

But it's not just the "more than we can handle" part that I take issue with.

Do you believe a loving and gracious God sits on His throne deciding which hardship to bestow on us, only to watch us struggle under its weight?

That's not the God I know.

When these Job-sized trials - or any problem for that matter - hit, trying to handle them under our own power is futile. And unbiblical.

Proverbs 3:5 tells us to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

And Psalm 55:22 instructs "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."

But I would also argue those trials aren't delivered directly from the hand of God. He hasn't "given" us the difficulties.

We live in an imperfect, fallen world. We may belong to God but that doesn't stop the father of lies from trying his best to trip us up, make us miserable, and get us to take our eyes off the One can get us through the storm.

John 16:33 reminds us "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

That's why I so appreciate the perspective twist in the pictured quote.

God helps us handle what we've been given.

It's not our own gritted teeth, pull ourselves up by the boot straps, inner strength and dogged determination that allows us to handle the difficult times with inexplicable peace.

It is God being true to His promise to never leave or forsake us, to walk with us each step of the way. Psalm 46:1-3 puts it this way "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

As I return to work after a 3 month absence due to a breast cancer diagnosis, I can tell you that if I believed for an instant that God gave me cancer because He knew I could handle it, I'd be rethinking our relationship.

With the same amount of certainty, I can assure you that the only way I was able to get through hearing the diagnosis, go through the litany of tests, an outpatient and inpatient surgery and weeks of grueling recovery is because He was there beside me, offering a refuge to run to when the fears threatened to overtake me and the tears wouldn't stop; when the pain was crushing and sleep wouldn't come; when I saw the scars for the first time and my patience was severely tested by a drain that was with me 6 weeks longer than the "norm."

His grace and mercy, love and peace were what made handling it all possible.

So my friend, the next time a hardship comes your way, remember that God isn't standing by at a distance watching to see if you can handle it, He's in the midst of it all, waiting for your to put your faith and trust in Him so He can help you through it.

Happy Tears - A Week of Ups and Downs

Monday promised warmer temps and a glimpse of the sun.

Since much of the past 2 weeks have been spent inside doctor offices, a friend and I made plans to head to Belmar and walk the boardwalk to "God's Square Mile on the Jersey Shore," also known as Ocean Grove.

When I realized it was 2.2 miles in each direction, I suggested perhaps we park closer.

My friend polietely said "no."

So off we headed while I internally fretted a bit about the chilly winds and the fact that I was heading out on a 4 1/2 mile round trip walk after weeks - okay, maybe more like months - of virtual couch potato-ness punctuated by the occasional shoveling session for what seemed to be our weekly encounter with a Nor'easter in the Garden State.

I didn't want to overdo things 2 days before my first surgery to remove "sentinel lymph nodes" to check on any spread of the cancer.

We walked for what seemed like an eternity and considered giving up our quest when we bumped into a couple who told us it was another 10 minutes away. We kept walking.

We arrived at our intended destination with a few minutes to spare before their 2 pm closing time.

A delicious lunch, two cups of tea and a slice of double chocolate mousse cake warmed me up and gave me the energy to head back!!

We enjoyed a warmer, less windy return trip, stopping on occasion to snap a few pictures.

 I slept well that night.

Tuesday I headed back to the hospital for a nuclear dye injection.

Now, because I'm allergic to so many things, my first question always is "what's in this?" before anyone gives me anything.

The response from the technician was "you should be fine as long as you're not allergic to sulfa."

Well, guess what. I am. And I have detailed that a million times on the litany of forms I've filled out for the hospital and every doctor in the place over the past 2 months.

Tears started welling up because I was frustrated and a little scared. I could have taken Benedryl or something else to prepare for this, but now, here I was, in the position of having to make a decision on whether or not to move forward with this very important test.

The alternatives weren't much better - one drug would turn me blue..."you'll look a little like a smurf for a few days"... and the other had a 3% chance of anaphylaxis.

"Jesus, you knew this would happen. This is not a surprise to you! Help me."

The doctor reentered the room voicing doubt that my earlier reaction was to sulfa. He believed it was another ingredient in the pills I had taken.

I hesitantly agreed to the injection.

The test finished, I began to notice my tongue felt as if I had scalded it on a hot drink. That lasted for the entire day. Although my surgeon said she'd never heard of such a thing before, I'm kind of the poster child for weird diseases and reactions.

I didn't sleep well that night.

4:30 a.m. came as early as it sounds and I got ready for the trip to the hospital. Although I thought I was calm on the outside, my subconscious was messing with my stomach.

My sister dropped me at the door and went to park. I pulled out my Bible, and opened it up to the Psalms where my eyes fell on 138:3 "When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted." I read the rest of the passage which ends with "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, oh Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hand." I felt God's presence and was ready for the next step.

I registered and my sister and I chit-chatted until the nurse came to take me back to the prep room. On the way, she shared that she too had breast cancer but was a 7 year survivor. It's a story I've heard far too many times since my diagnosis. So many women have walked this path before me! Too many.

I had been concerned about anesthesia because after my last operation more than 30 years ago it took longer than normal to come out of it and I woke up nauseous. So when the anesthesiologist walked in, I said "you're the one I'm concerned about."

"Me? Why?"

I explained my fears, but he went over all my allergies and addressed my concerns. When he left, the nurse said "He's the best...he was my anesthesiologist. You know if the nurses use him for their own surgeries, he's a good one."

Again, peace.

I remember being moved from gurney to operating table and not much more. As my eyes fluttered and I began to emerge from unconsciousness, a nurse asked how I was feeling.

"Tired." I drifted off again as I heard her say, "that's okay, rest."

The doctor came in and told my sister that the nuclear material from the day before had somewhat worn off and so she was only able to remove one node instead of the intended two, but it would be okay.

Eventually, I wakened and steadied and was able to leave.

I went home and slept some more, but all the early dozing and the soreness of the area under my arm made for a rough night.

In my previous post, I stated that I was praying for a Good Friday. A good report. When I woke from a nap this afternoon, I was surprised that I had slept through half a dozen phone calls, one of which was from the surgeon.

She had gotten the pathology report back a day early. The lymph node was clear. It will indeed be a Good Friday!

"Thank you Jesus. Praise you Lord!" I sobbed the words out loud, tears of joy running down my face.

It's the first good news I've had since January 22nd.

I still have a long road ahead. The bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction scheduled for Monday looms large, but I am bold and stouthearted. I know God has heard my cries and the prayers of scores of people. Some know me well, some have heard of me, some I've never met. But each person who lifts their voice toward heaven and intercedes on my behalf is precious to me.

Thank you for joining me on this journey through your encouraging words and prayers. I pray that should you find yourself facing something similar in the future, you will know that peace is possible when you look to the Prince of Peace for strength.

Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do no be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Flood and Fire

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2. 

I love this verse and have often shared it to encourage others going through difficult times. I'll remind them that it says "when" these things happen and not "if." God is not surprised by any trials that come our way. In fact, in John 16:33 He goes so far as to say "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

So the first time this verse popped up in something I was reading a few months ago, I smiled and nodded in affirmation. "Amen." 

The second time it appeared I thought "Well, that's confirmation of a comforting promise. Love that verse."

But by the third, fourth, even fifth time I either read or heard it in a short span of time, my thoughts were more like "Where you going with this God? Are you preparing me for something?"

He was.

I've been through a lot of "somethings" over the past decade, but this one has me passing through waters I couldn't anticipate and walking through fire I never saw coming.

About a year and a half ago I noticed a small "something" on my shoulder. Every doctor had the same reaction: "Hmmm...that's weird...I've never seen anything like that. I have no idea what that is." 

But during a routine physical last November, one doctor's comment was tinged with foreboding. "Hmmm...that looks different. Have it checked."

Three months ago, a dermatologist biopsied it and a few weeks later, after I'd all but forgotten about it, he called with the results. I was busy in the church food pantry wrapping donated bread and not really paying attention until I heard two words.

"Lymphoma." "Oncologist."

It still really didn't sink in. I went back to the job at hand and purposed to call him back in the morning when I could listen without distraction. Surely I had misheard. 

I couldn't get hold of him the next day and had to wait the weekend. But by Monday, those ugly words were back. 

"You need to call a hospital hematology/oncology department for further testing and tell them you have 'biopsy proven' marginal zone lymphoma." 

It sounded as if someone had slapped a little gold sunburst on my chest like a Good Housekeeping seal of approval. Hi, you've got cancer and it's "Biopsy Proven!"

My head was reeling in those first few days. Finding an insurance covered hospital and oncologist. Going for a CT scan. Having an ultrasound. Then waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

But as time has gone on, in the midst of scary words, unfamiliar faces, tests and new terminology, I have a peace. God is still in control and He uses people and things like music to remind me of His presence. 

On my first visit to discuss radiation treatments, Mercy Me's "Even If" came on the radio as I pulled into the parking lot.

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

On my first treatment visit, I asked the tech if they "took music requests." He asked what I'd like to listen to and I told him Contemporary Christian. 

"My daughter is a Contemporary Christian artist. Would you like to listen to her CD?"

"Sure."

A few minutes later, as he left the room saying "the treatment is about to begin," I heard these lyrics "Set my eyes on you. Your love is all I need to live."

A few days later, the tech gave me the CD. Those well-timed lyrics were from a song called Psalm 16.

"Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.' I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.” Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips. LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Ps. 16

One of my favorite bands is Tenth Avenue North. Their lyrics always touch my soul and their newest song could not have come out at a better time.

Take a minute to listen to I Have This Hope and I know it will minister to you wherever you are. (I'm smiling right now because as I clicked through the link to make sure it worked and listened to the song, Even If came on right after - so listen to that too. God is so good and in every detail!) 

I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You're with me and You won't let go

Yesterday marked the half way point in my treatments. A sweet friend gave me this necklace.

For those of you with "older" eyes like mine, it says "What Cancer Cannot Do. It cannot...invade the soul, suppress memories, kill friendship, destroy peace, conquer the spirit, shatter hope, cripple love, corrode faith, steal eternal life, silence courage."

All that is true but even more important is what God CAN do in and through me. He can...give rest to my soul (Ps.62:1), remember the righteous (Ps. 112:6), be a friend (John 15:15), keep me in perfect peace (Is. 26:3), make me more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37), give me a future and a hope (Jer. 29:11), save me because of His unfailing love (Ps. 6:4), do the impossible with the smallest bit of faith (Matt 17:20), give eternal life (1 John 5:11), and commands me to be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9).

Yes, there is both flood and fire going on in my life right now. But my hope is in Him alone and if I set my eyes on Him, I'll see He is with me and He won't let go.

Catch 'Em All

I was surprised to see so many people entering at once. Sure, it was a gorgeous summer evening. but since the park closes at dusk, they should've been heading for their cars to slowly drive past the grazing herds of deer on their way to the exit, not streaming down to the marina.

Then I realized they weren't there to soak up the sights and sounds before another day came to a close...they were glued to their phones for the latest craze. Pokemon Go.

Wikipedia describes Pokemon Go as a "free-to-play, location-based augmented reality game."

The official website encourages players to "Get Up, Get Out, and Explore!"

Get out and explore an augmented reality. Is that what people really think they're doing?

I guarantee, none of those scoring Charizards took the time to explore the horizon, catching a glimpse of the huge wingspan and oddly graceful long legs of a Great Blue Heron flying back to its nest.

Nor did Magikarp hunters catch the split second a Sunfish jumped out of the glass-like water to snag some gnats hovering over the surface, sending rippled rings outward.

Saddest of all was the masterpiece of light and color spread across the sky and reflected on the lake that went unnoticed as a Pikachu popped up in front of their eyes.

Reality wasn't augmented, it was narrowed. Their vision was diminished by a false reality.

Now before you think I'm slamming your favorite pastime, or before you nod your head at my examples and think "preach it girl!", let me challenge you with this thought about our everyday lives...

Which augmented reality are you pursuing?

Do you think you "gotta catch 'em all"? You know - that often elusive stuff you're convinced you need like a great job, nice car, good-looking spouse, perfect kids, fame, fortune, power, attention...only to find out the "base capture rate" on some or even all of it is zero?

We don't need to fire up our Pokemon Go apps to get lost in the false claims of an augmented reality. Many things in this physical world steal our attention from the Truth.

In God's economy, the "narrow view" in Matthew 6:33 that tells us to "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously," leads to the augmentation of "and He will give you everything you need."

Do you really want it all? John 10:10 says "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." That's how God does augmented reality. He gives blessings that are pressed down and overflowing.

Go ahead. Get up, get out, and explore true reality - in God's Word. In it you will find an amazing power source. Things to strengthen you, encourage you, and challenge you. You will discover a new reality that is filled with God's passion for you. It's a pretty cool place where you feel His love for you augmented with every promise you read.

Love, peace, grace, mercy, forgiveness, eternal life (the ultimate augmented reality) - go catch 'em all.

Borrowing Trouble

On the other end of the phone the woman was weeping...screaming...sobbing from the depths of her soul.


All I could  say was "I understand." And to a great extent, I did.

It was not that long ago I was looking at homelessness as a real possibility.

"Can I pray with you?"

I hoped bringing God into the mix would calm her down. She told me she needed to make another call and would phone me back.

Honestly, I was surprised she called back just five minutes later. As the crying began again, I quickly launched into prayer.

I thanked God for His Sovereignty and the fact that He was not surprised by this turn of events.  I prayed for His peace to surround her, to envelop her, to comfort her.

While I prayed, her sobs began to subside...replaced by sniffles and sighs.

But as soon as I stopped, the "what ifs" began again and in a matter of minutes she had worried herself back into a hysterical mess.

"'God's got this" I said.

Her response was, "yeah, but sometimes He lets you go through things."

Didn't I know it.

I spoke with all the authority I could muster. "Yes, sometimes He does, but He's still in control. What day is today?"

"Thursday."

"Then there are still four more days until your deadline. Why do you insist on borrowing possible trouble that's still half a week away?"

The conversation went on like this for another half an hour. Me telling her I understood her fears, doubts, and concerns - while reminding her God was bigger than all of it and already on the other side of it. I told her these weren't just words and shared a little of my story...

My thoughts returned to this encounter today as I wait on my own "what ifs."

Something occurred this weekend - out of left field - and I was in to see a doctor on Tuesday.

He told me a biopsy was needed.

My heart sank.

In the back of my mind, I knew this was possible.  I had done the dumb thing and gone to WebMD.com to read about my symptoms, their causes, diagnosis, and treatment. A biopsy was listed as a possible next step.

When looking for peace of mind, WebMD is not the place to go - read the descriptions and you'll be convinced you've got half a dozen diseases, all of them fatal.

What I should have done was go to the Great Physician who provides peace that passes understanding.

And yet I had avoided Him all morning. Not sure why, I just did.

I deliberately skipped my quiet time and busied myself until the clock warned it was time to leave for work.

While I was having trouble praying, I knew I needed it. So later that morning, on the way to the doctor's office, I called a friend to ask her to pray.

When I got out of the appointment, I saw a text she sent with some of what I would have read had I cracked open my Jesus Calling devotional and Bible.

"I am perpetually with you, taking care of you."

"You need not fear the future, for I am already there."

"Your future is in My hands; I release it to you day by day, moment by moment. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow."

"I am training you to keep your focus on My Presence in the present."

Much of the day's devotional was based on Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Yep, it all sounded pretty familiar.  After all, they were the very thoughts I'd shared with my caller a few days before.

Thoughts I'd shared because I knew them to be truth.

The words calmed me. For a moment my heart and mind stopped racing.

But when I finished reading, I confess, the "what if's" crept back in, demanding attention and answers.

I have to wait a week for the results.

During that time, I have two choices.

I can waste my days living in fear of the unknown, a slave to the what if's,

OR

I can consciously, deliberately, minute by minute, trust in what I know - the God who has shown His faithfulness over and over again.

Remember the woman who called me? By the time those four days had passed, God had moved mountains and she continues to have a place to live.

She lost a lot of sleep, and cried a lot of tears, yet her worst fears never materialized.

There was no need for her to borrow trouble.  

So I'm going to make the better choice and leave that trouble right where it is.

After all, I believe what I told her just last week - "God's got this."



(FYI - the biopsy came back negative.)

Storm Series Part II - The Storm

I sat at my computer listening to the winds howl.  The glass in the windows rattled.  Throughout the afternoon and into the evening, the lights flickered, sometimes staying off for a minute or two.

The prep work had been done...

• I had found the last package of D batteries on the planet in a local 7/11 after hours of searching.
• The wet/dry vac I bought after last year's hurricane Irene was assembled and at the ready.
• Candles and matches and flashlights were lined up to pierce the darkness if it came.
• The tub was filled with water, the laundry was all done, food had been purchased and cooked.

I was as prepared as I could be, with nothing to do but wait for the full force of the storm.  So I sat and listened to the windows rattling...hard.  I wondered if they would shatter.  My computer is near a dining room window, and I considered moving out of potential harm's way.

As the night progressed, I grew tired, but was afraid to sleep.  What if the windows DID break?  What if the neighbor's very large tree being whipped mercilessly by the winds DID fall?  What if the wires were ripped from the house?  What if...what if...what if...

Suddenly I recalled a devotional I had written which had been published just a week before.  Entitled Peaceful Slumber, it talked about my fears of the unknown which resulted in lack of sleep following my separation and divorce years earlier.

It referenced Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, oh Lord make me dwell in safety."

Had I really learned the lesson like I said I had?  Was not the Lord who makes me dwell in safety in control of ALL circumstances - weather included?  If something was going to happen to my home, keeping my eyes open wouldn't stop it.

I needed to trust Him in the midst of the storm.  I needed to believe that no matter what happened, He was there.  Nothing ever takes Him by surprise.

The disciples had to be taught that.  Matthew 8:23-26 tell us "Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.  Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.  The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”  He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"  Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

If we trust in ourselves, in what we can do to prepare for life's storms - savings, insurance, and the like - we will still be caught off guard.  The disciples weren't wimps...they were seasoned fisherman who had fished through many storms.  But this one was big.  Really big.  Too big for them to tackle in their humanness.  They couldn't trust in what they knew or had prepared for.

When you find yourself in the midst of one of those life storms that's bigger than anything you imagined, your natural instinct may be to look to what you've done, what you were trusting in and suddenly feel powerless.  The truth is, you were powerless all along.  You had a false sense of security.  Only God can rebuke the wind and waves and calm the storm. 

Psalm 91: 4-6 says He will cover you with his wings you will be safe in his care, his faithfulness will protect and defend you. You need not fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight.

God sees the big picture...He's prepared to deal with all the events coming your way.  Your part in the preparation is not to trust in the things of this world, but to trust in Him.  Doing that requires building your relationship with Him now, during the peaceful times, through the ways He's provided - prayer, His Word, wise counsel, etc., so that when the storms come - and they will - you'll already be leaning on Him, sheltered in the safety of His wings.

For more on this series, click here: Part 1 - Storm Series

From Despair to Prayer - Part 3

Monday morning finally arrived and I got on the road, headed down to Ocean City, New Jersey.  Up until the previous week, I knew my friend was going to allow me to use his house for a few days, but I didn't know when.  Luckily, the God who created the entire universe also knows exactly what each of us needs and when.  The timing couldn't have been more perfect.  When I thought I was at my breaking point, I was given the opportunity to slip away, reconnect with Him and get back on track.

I took my time driving down.  It was a picture perfect September day - a deep blue sky with fluffy white clouds ambling across the heavens, and temps in the high 70s.  The sun warmed my face, and I rode with the window down to enjoy the slight breeze.  About half an hour in, I stopped at a farmer's market for some plums.  I really wanted blueberries for pancakes the next morning, but they were out of season.  Another 45 minutes or so down the road, I  grabbed a sweet tea at a McDonald's.  The more miles I put between me and my stresses, the better I began to feel.  Finally, for the first time in weeks, I began to talk to God.  I poured out my heart telling him about all my frustrations, uncertainties, and anger.  I was able to articulate things I couldn't before, but I was also taking ownership of certain feelings, not just pointing fingers and casting blame.  I asked for His forgiveness for my pride, my critical spirit, and my judgmental attitude.  I recognized that no matter how right or wrong I might be about someone's motivation or behavior, it wasn't for me to judge in the first place.  The ability to correctly read the heart belonged to God alone.  My job was to make sure that MY heart was right before God.  That I was seeking and doing His will.  I could pray for others, that they too were seeking God's face in decisions they were making, but beyond that, I needed to hang up my robe and set down the gavel.

When I realized that I did not have to take on the actions of others, it was like a huge weight was removed.  That may sound like a no-brainer to you, but I'm a pleaser by nature.  I care very much - too much - what people think about me, how they react to me, the impression I make on others, and so on down the line.  So the behavior of others greatly impacts me, with the end result being feelings of frustration, a perception of being taken advantage of, or feeling slighted because my pride tells me I'm better suited to a task than the one who was chosen.  It all sounds very childish, but selfish, prideful behavior often is.

When I arrived at the house, it was almost 11 am.  I slipped the key into the lock and took a look around.  Just as I remembered it...bright, clean, quiet, and a back porch view of the breakers.  I could hardly wait to hit the beach.  I quickly lugged in all my things from the car, putting away the food first, then hanging up my clothes, and finally, putting on my bathing suit and lathering up the sun screen.  I filled a cooler bag with water, a blueberry Special K bar, my books, Bible, pen and pad, then slung it over my shoulder followed by my chair and umbrella, each of which were in a handled case.

It was just a few dozen yards up the path to the beach, which was far more full than I had anticipated at this time of year.  I found an empty patch of sand and dropped my gear.  The chair was positioned so I could look straight out at the ocean, the  umbrella plunged into the sand directly behind the chair.  I plopped myself into the seat, dug out the bottle of water placing it in the chair's cup holder, pulled out my devotional, Jesus Calling, and opened it to the entry for September 12th.  "Receive my peace.  It is my continual gift to you.  The best way to receive this gift is to sit quietly in My Presence, trusting Me in every area of your life.  Quietness and trust accomplish far more than you can imagine:  not only in you, but also on earth, and in heaven.  When you trust Me in a given area, you release that problem or person into my care.  Spending alone time with me can be a difficult discipline, because it goes against the activity addiction of this age.  You may appear to be doing nothing; but actually, you are participating in battles going on in spiritual realms.  You are waging war - not with the weapons of the world, but with heavenly weapons; which have divine power to demolish strongholds.  Living close to Me is a sure defense against evil."

As my friend Agnes says, "sometimes that book is just freaky the way it says what you need to hear, just at the right time."  Truer words never spoken.  I closed my eyes and, for the first time in a long time, sat quietly resting in the Presence of my King.

Tomorrow, we take a look at the rest of Psalm 42...