The Checklist

Do you believe God hears our prayers and sees our needs?

Do you trust He is there and is in control?

I believe if we just open our eyes, we can see and hear Him speaking into our lives.

Let me share with you something that happened a few years ago...

I’d been in a bit of a funk all day, really listening too intently to a number of Satan's lies.  I felt like I was taking hits from all sides–finances, work, the kids, and my estranged husband.  

I was feeling inadequate, incapable, and overwhelmed.  

I had just spent the little money I had on some groceries when from out of nowhere I was overtaken by despair so deep that I just lost it.  I didn’t just cry...I sobbed.  My shoulders heaved uncontrollably as I wept and the tears that cascaded down my cheeks obscured my vision to the point where I was struggling to see the road.  

As I gulped for air in between the racking sobs all I could manage was, “Oh God, oh God, oh God!”  

The emotion was gut-wrenching and I prayed that I could reach home without driving off the road. 

Once I arrived, there was no room to park in front of my house.  I pulled up in front of my next door neighbor’s steps and sat in the car continuing to cry.  As I looked up at the full moon and pleaded with the sky, God felt further from me than those stars burning millions of miles away.  He was like the moon… immense and beautiful, yet distant and untouchable. 

“God…I feel like the whole world is against me.  I feel so alone!” 

I laid my complaints at His feet, all the while feeling like there was no way to get out from under. 

“I can’t function anymore God…I just can’t do this on my own!” 

Words were pouring out of me now….

”God, I have no money, how can I take care of my kids?  My kids, Lord…I’m so worried about the road they’re going down.  Lord, I’m so alone…help me!” 

I cried out to God for a good half hour until the tears began to subside and my neighbor began to peek out the window wondering what on earth I was doing.  It was almost 11:00 before I pulled myself together.   I grabbed some of the grocery bags, walked up the sidewalk toward my porch, dropped them off and turned back toward the car as another neighbor drove up.  

Maria had lived across the street from me for at least a decade.  I knew she was a Christian.  Our children had attended the same Christian school, but mostly we just exchanged pleasantries on occasion.   She knew nothing of what I was currently going through. 

 “Hello, Toni, how are you?” she asked. 

“Okay.”

 I responded as cheerily as I could.  I knew she couldn’t see I’d been crying because it was late and the street light in front of my house had gone out.  It was pretty dark. 

“My sister says the Holy Spirit is telling her that you need prayer.  Are you sure you’re alright?”

I stopped dead in my tracks.  I didn’t realize there was someone else in the car, and how did she know….”No Maria, I’m not.” 

“Can we pray for you?”

“I think God sent you to do just that.” 

Maria’s sister got out of the car, grabbed me by the hand and led me to the porch steps nodding and smiling.  Maria parked her car and joined us. 

“This is my sister from Costa Rica.  She’s a missionary to Italy but she’s visiting for a little while.  She doesn’t speak English very well.  She says you need to sit on the porch so she can lay hands on you…you’re too tall.” 

Maria laughed.  She and her sister were at least half a foot shorter than my 5’ 8” frame.  I understood the predicament and dutifully sat.  To my left, Maria’s sister stood and placed one hand on my back and the other on top of my head.  She prayed in Spanish in the most powerful way while Maria laid her hand on my right shoulder and translated. 

“God says you are not alone, He is here with you.”

She placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t say you can’t …you can do all things through Him.  I bind the spirits at work in this house–I pray for your children....” 

I caught my breath.  How could she possibly know what to pray?  Her prayer was so dead on that the tears welled up in me again and I thought if anyone was up and about at that hour we would make quite a spectacle–me weeping, her speaking in Spanish followed by Maria’s translation. 

Finally, she placed a hand over my heart and said...

“You've been bearing a large hurt for a long time and in the name of Jesus you are released from it.” 

She prayed for His peace in my life and it was like the burden just fell away.   The crying stopped and I was flooded with peace.  I knew immediately that God Himself had spoken clearly and personally through this woman I had never met.  

Everything... absolutely everything I brought before the Lord in the privacy of my car that night, that dear woman addressed through her prayer for me.  

It was as if she’d had a checklist of my concerns and God gave them to her one by one to tick off.  

It was proof that He not only heard my desperate cry, but that He cared about my pain and wanted me to know He loved me and was there for me.  It was a a beautiful answer to prayer!

You may be feeling desperate today. It may seem like God is a million miles away. He's not.

He's walking this road with you and His Spirit resides within you providing strength and peace. Take a moment to cry out to Him. 

He will make His presence known to you. 

It may be through a scripture, a song, even nature.

Or it may just be through the prayer of a faithful servant who hears His voice and responds by speaking His Word over you.

Triumphs and Trials

I can't believe I haven't posted in 3 weeks.  So much has happened in that time.  Life has been very good and very hard.  Days have been filled with unbelievable joy and immeasurable sorrow...but I guess as friend of mine always says "that's life".

So what's the lesson today?  Happiness is fleeting, but sorrow is not permanent either.  Don't look at your circumstances because they will always be in flux - look for how God is moving in them because He never changes.  That's not a trite, feel good suggestion, it's a lifeline in the midst of storms.  Persevere.  While happiness is fleeting, joy in the Lord is rooted deep.  While sorrow is not permanent, it can knock you for a loop if you're not grounded.  God is the great stabilizer. 

I try to remind myself of these things as I go through the day.  I rejoice in the amazing way God is working in and through our outreach ministry, even as my heart breaks over devastating personal trials. 

My last post talked about the story of the widow and Elisha and one small jar filling many pots.  I equated it to some personal finance issues.  But I saw it happen in an even bigger way this month.  I saw God's provision pressed down and overflowing.  My church found an idea for a 'toy store' in an online publication called "The Best Externally Focused Ideas of 2011" put out by the Externally Focused Network.  (Google them, they are a wonderful resource!)  It was a way to give the gift of dignity to struggling families at the holidays.  We purchased hundreds of toys and are making them available to people in our community for just 10% of their value.  Parents will get to shop for a toy of their choice for their child rather than receive a handout.  They have the dignity of paying for the item and the fun of gift wrapping it.  The challenge was that we were asked to make this happen in a period of approximately 4-5 weeks.  We estimated the needed capital would be about $8,000.  At the start we had no venue, differences of opinion on which groups to invite and no funds.  4 weeks later, we have the place, all the groups suggested for participation plus some, and $8,600 in funds.  Nothing but God.  And I got to watch His hand move it all together.  Awe inspiring, trust me.

At the same time, I have been dealing with an immediate family member going through a disabling battle with anxiety and panic attacks.  Trips to the crisis center, the ups and downs of medications and mood swings, arguments over treatment options.  It's been a very dark time, and one of intense spiritual battle.  I have been praying for this person for a long time, asking God to move in his heart.  If I just looked at the circumstances, I might tempted to be angry at God for allowing all this to happen...but I'm trying to see what God is doing in the circumstances.  Is he softening his heart?  Breaking down the anger and pride?  We dislike pain, but sometimes it's needed to achieve a result.  'No pain, no gain' is not just about getting the outer man in shape.

All of this has taught me anew that the rain falls on the just and the unjust.  That just because I am a child of God does not mean my life will be devoid of hardship.  In fact, sometimes it seems that the more God blesses in one area, the more Satan rails against us affecting what he can with his limited power in another.  So I hold on to the truth in Psalm 9:9 & 10 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.  Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." 


Are you going through trials today? This world holds many.  But God holds the world.  Look for what God is doing in the circumstances.  Ask Him to show you how He's working things together.  You may not see it today, or tomorrow, or this year.  But trust Him.  He is not fleeting.  He is permanent.   He will never forsake you.