Karma's Watching?

Karma. We generally hear the term used when someone has done something or someone wrong.

The hope expressed is that karma will come along to pay the offender back.

Supposedly it works the other way around too, but we rarely seem to wish good on another - we want revenge and if karma's willing to take that on, we'll stand on the sidelines and cheer it on.

So I thought it particularly odd to see this sign in the waiting room of a diagnostic imaging center as I waited for a medical test.

It was actually the same center where I was told this January to see a breast surgeon for a biopsy of something they saw that was most likely cancer. (It was and I blogged about it here.)

The sign made me angry. The insinuation was totally negative.

What did Karma see in my life that would cause me to get cancer?

Not once, but twice in two years?

Was it my full-time position pouring into people's lives when they are vulnerable and in need?

Perhaps it was my volunteer work with the same population.

No. No, it must be all the time I've spent the past year trying to help my brother get his mental illness diagnosed and get him the services he needs.

And if all those things were good, why didn't this "tit for tat" karma thing see to it I didn't get cancer?

"I saw that."

What a terrible, accusatory thought to put in someone's mind.

My heart breaks for those who might read that sign and believe they are at fault for their illness.

Lest you think all this talk of karma means I believe in it, fear not.

I'm still the same Jesus believing daughter of the King I've been for many years. And I'm so glad I know the Truth.

My cancer is not my fault, but my cancer may be used to bring about good.

Right now, I'm reading a book written by a friend of mine, James Watkins. It's called The Psalms of Asaph: Struggling With Unanswered Prayer, Unfulfilled Promises and Unpunished Evil. In it, he tells the story of a young woman who, when she learned of her cancer diagnosis, prayed that her family would come to Christ through the journey. She didn't survive, but family members will now live for eternity, able to see her again because they came to believe in God through her faith.

Would she have chosen this life over eternal life for her family? No. Would she have chosen that method for them to come to Christ? Probably not. Did judgmental people sit back and wonder what secret sin she had committed that God "saw" and punished her for? Possibly.

That's the kind of reaction Job's "friends" had. They gave him an earful on how to repent from what he must have done to deserve all the terrible things that befell him.

They didn't use the term karma. Worse, they attributed all his misfortune to God - as a result of something Job MUST have done wrong.

The truth is, we live in a fallen world. Bad things happen to good people. God can redeem those bad things.

John 16:33 comforts us with "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Sometimes, it's not about illness and disease. Sometimes it's about the very real pain people have caused you. Is it wrong to wish a quid pro quo on them?

Matthew 5:44-45 says "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

The New Testament is filled with scriptures: Romans 12:17-18,  I Thessalonians 5:15, I Peter 3:9 and others that basically tell us not to repay evil for evil as "karma" would, but rather evil with good because that is what sets us apart as Christians.

We can't control the actions of others, but we CAN monitor our reaction.

And when it comes to disease? Well, sometimes, cancer just happens.

I don't have the BRCA gene. I don't smoke and if I have a drink once a year, it's a lot. Yet I know a number of people who smoke like a chimney and haven't been diagnosed with the disease.

Karma, if she existed, would have her scoreboard all wrong. She really doesn't see a thing. So...

Don't repay evil for evil - or wish that someone else would do the job for you.

Don't take on guilt that isn't yours to bear because sometimes, bad things really do happen to good people.

Love God, do good to others, let go of anger, don't judge.

And remember...when others are guilty, we cry for justice. When we are guilty, we beg for mercy. "Karma" doesn't extend mercy. Only God does - and He truly does see everything.

A Smile In Her Heart

She's struggled a lot...four kids, health issues, and no real income to speak of. She was on the wait list for a car, but after a year or so, she somehow scraped together a few dollars to buy a van that was better left in the junk yard. After months of trying to help her fix it each time it left her stranded on the side of the road, I told her no more good money after bad. She needed to junk it. We put her back on the wait list.

It was a long wait. Neighbors took advantage of Mary's need (I've changed her name) and charged her daughter outrageous amounts for rides to work. Often, promises of rides fell through and Mary would miss doctor appointments and trips to the food pantry.

Even after I matched her up with a vehicle, she had hurdles to overcome. Her purse had been stolen weeks before, and with it, her license and social security card. So in anticipation of getting the keys, she needed to get duplicates. She waited two weeks for a ride to the county court house to replace the social security card.

Last Friday, after having her picture taken and waiting in line for her finalized paperwork, the Division of Motor Vehicles' computer system for licenses went down - statewide. It looked like she would have to wait longer still to get behind the wheel.

Mary pleaded her case to the person behind the counter. Amazingly, they relented, handing over her ID and making her promise to return when the computers came back up to handle the final step.

She was the last person that day to get a license.

But the fight wasn't over. Back in my office all she had was a policy number for her insurance company. I told her I needed a temporary card faxed or emailed over. She got on the phone with the insurance company and they couldn't find any notes adding the new van. It was an annoyance, but we didn't think too much about it - she simply had to answer a few questions again.

They put her on hold.

Fifteen minutes...Thirty minutes...Forty-five minutes. The rep came back on, walked her through the questions, and as she was ready to hit "send", the computer went down and all the information was lost. Again!

Mary was told to call back in a few minutes. She was an hour and a half into this latest odyssey and felt utterly defeated. It seemed like the van sitting right outside my office, so close, was just out of reach.

She started to cry. 

As she dialed again and was put on hold once more, I looked at her and said "Mary, I'm done. This is ridiculous. Enough is enough - we need to pray!"

I asked God to bind all that was at work creating havoc with the process. I acknowledged His power over not only people but situations. I asked for peace for Mary as He worked out all the details.

In less than two minutes, a rep came on, walked her through the application, and emailed her a temporary card.

In I John 5:14 we are reminded: This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

From there on out, it was smooth sailing. Mary went back to the DMV, got the title transferred to her name and received the new registration.

Twenty-seven months after being put on the wait list the first time, Mary got her van. Not only wasn't it held together with tape and a prayer like her last vehicle, it had the bonus of a DVD player for her two younger kids. She was over the moon.

But Mary's story doesn't end there.

The following day, she loaded up her family in that new van and came to the Easter Brunch we hold for our food pantry clients.

After a delicious lunch and a time of egg decorating, kids from our children's ministry drama team called Family Time Live, put on a show. The theme that day was "hope...believing that something good can come out of something bad."

After the show, as everyone was leaving, Mary took me aside.

"I know you keep telling me to trust God and believe Him, but today, those kids got to me. I finally understood. I had been smiling with my lips, but now, I'm smiling with my heart. I saw something good come out of something bad!"

There were tears in her eyes again, but this time, they were tears of joy.

My friend, when it seems like the wait is never-ending...when it feels like the answer to your need is just out of reach...do not despair. Something good can come out of something bad.

James 1:17 tells us this truth - "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

We are commanded in Psalm 27:14 to"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."

And in Psalm 5:3 it says "In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch."

Eagerly watch in anticipation of His answer.

Be strong and take courage that He is faithful to uphold His promises.

Pray in expectation of what God is doing and has already done even though you don't see it yet.

He will take your circumstances, no matter how hopeless and somehow, someway, make something good come out of them. He'll put a smile in your heart.

Just ask Mary.

The Checklist

Do you believe God hears our prayers and sees our needs?

Do you trust He is there and is in control?

I believe if we just open our eyes, we can see and hear Him speaking into our lives.

Let me share with you something that happened a few years ago...

I’d been in a bit of a funk all day, really listening too intently to a number of Satan's lies.  I felt like I was taking hits from all sides–finances, work, the kids, and my estranged husband.  

I was feeling inadequate, incapable, and overwhelmed.  

I had just spent the little money I had on some groceries when from out of nowhere I was overtaken by despair so deep that I just lost it.  I didn’t just cry...I sobbed.  My shoulders heaved uncontrollably as I wept and the tears that cascaded down my cheeks obscured my vision to the point where I was struggling to see the road.  

As I gulped for air in between the racking sobs all I could manage was, “Oh God, oh God, oh God!”  

The emotion was gut-wrenching and I prayed that I could reach home without driving off the road. 

Once I arrived, there was no room to park in front of my house.  I pulled up in front of my next door neighbor’s steps and sat in the car continuing to cry.  As I looked up at the full moon and pleaded with the sky, God felt further from me than those stars burning millions of miles away.  He was like the moon… immense and beautiful, yet distant and untouchable. 

“God…I feel like the whole world is against me.  I feel so alone!” 

I laid my complaints at His feet, all the while feeling like there was no way to get out from under. 

“I can’t function anymore God…I just can’t do this on my own!” 

Words were pouring out of me now….

”God, I have no money, how can I take care of my kids?  My kids, Lord…I’m so worried about the road they’re going down.  Lord, I’m so alone…help me!” 

I cried out to God for a good half hour until the tears began to subside and my neighbor began to peek out the window wondering what on earth I was doing.  It was almost 11:00 before I pulled myself together.   I grabbed some of the grocery bags, walked up the sidewalk toward my porch, dropped them off and turned back toward the car as another neighbor drove up.  

Maria had lived across the street from me for at least a decade.  I knew she was a Christian.  Our children had attended the same Christian school, but mostly we just exchanged pleasantries on occasion.   She knew nothing of what I was currently going through. 

 “Hello, Toni, how are you?” she asked. 

“Okay.”

 I responded as cheerily as I could.  I knew she couldn’t see I’d been crying because it was late and the street light in front of my house had gone out.  It was pretty dark. 

“My sister says the Holy Spirit is telling her that you need prayer.  Are you sure you’re alright?”

I stopped dead in my tracks.  I didn’t realize there was someone else in the car, and how did she know….”No Maria, I’m not.” 

“Can we pray for you?”

“I think God sent you to do just that.” 

Maria’s sister got out of the car, grabbed me by the hand and led me to the porch steps nodding and smiling.  Maria parked her car and joined us. 

“This is my sister from Costa Rica.  She’s a missionary to Italy but she’s visiting for a little while.  She doesn’t speak English very well.  She says you need to sit on the porch so she can lay hands on you…you’re too tall.” 

Maria laughed.  She and her sister were at least half a foot shorter than my 5’ 8” frame.  I understood the predicament and dutifully sat.  To my left, Maria’s sister stood and placed one hand on my back and the other on top of my head.  She prayed in Spanish in the most powerful way while Maria laid her hand on my right shoulder and translated. 

“God says you are not alone, He is here with you.”

She placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t say you can’t …you can do all things through Him.  I bind the spirits at work in this house–I pray for your children....” 

I caught my breath.  How could she possibly know what to pray?  Her prayer was so dead on that the tears welled up in me again and I thought if anyone was up and about at that hour we would make quite a spectacle–me weeping, her speaking in Spanish followed by Maria’s translation. 

Finally, she placed a hand over my heart and said...

“You've been bearing a large hurt for a long time and in the name of Jesus you are released from it.” 

She prayed for His peace in my life and it was like the burden just fell away.   The crying stopped and I was flooded with peace.  I knew immediately that God Himself had spoken clearly and personally through this woman I had never met.  

Everything... absolutely everything I brought before the Lord in the privacy of my car that night, that dear woman addressed through her prayer for me.  

It was as if she’d had a checklist of my concerns and God gave them to her one by one to tick off.  

It was proof that He not only heard my desperate cry, but that He cared about my pain and wanted me to know He loved me and was there for me.  It was a a beautiful answer to prayer!

You may be feeling desperate today. It may seem like God is a million miles away. He's not.

He's walking this road with you and His Spirit resides within you providing strength and peace. Take a moment to cry out to Him. 

He will make His presence known to you. 

It may be through a scripture, a song, even nature.

Or it may just be through the prayer of a faithful servant who hears His voice and responds by speaking His Word over you.