Adventures in Community Outreach - Cares Day

Three years ago I stepped down from a volunteer position running a ministry I loved, in order to take on a full-time ministry manager position at another local church.

 

It was like leaving a child behind. 

I had birthed the ministry, grown with it, and been richly blessed by it. I had witnessed many miracles of God's provision through it, and in fact, I'm writing a book about it. 

There were many tears shed on my part, but I believed I was following God's leading and call in making the move. I knew I was handing the reigns over to a woman who had a similar passion for the community and that lessened the blow a bit. For the past few years she has loved and nurtured the ministry, keeping it going strong.

Then a few weeks ago, I sat in the sanctuary of that former church and watched as the baton was passed again to co-leaders. One started with us a few years ago as garden manager. The other was my "brain." I  was the upfront vision caster and she was the keeper of a million details and queen of our volunteer spreadsheets relishing in her behind-the-scenes anonymity. 

As I watched her speak that morning, tears streamed down my face. I was so proud of her for moving out beyond her comfort zone to take on a co-leadership role and so honored to see that God was continuing to use the ministry to impact the community.

Today was the first outreach since the two took on the leadership mantel. Despite a very rainy morning, a number of organizations in the area benefited from the practical acts of service performed.

This year, I was able to participate as a volunteer and I was so excited to experience the day from the "other side!" I signed on as photographer and drove around to the different locations capturing pictures of the good deeds.

At the church, breakfast bags were assembled for a local soup kitchen, snack packs were put together for an after-school program, and hygiene kits were created to hand out to the homeless. 

A team went out to the on-site location of the after-school program to clean and organize four of their classrooms. It was there I heard a conversation between a parent of a child in the program and our team leader about what was going on and where the group was from. People are always so surprised that an "outside" group would take an interest in helping to beautify/clean/improve their space.

Cares Day provides that opportunity to explain what we do for them is an outpouring of our love for Christ. Serving like this gives us the chance to share our faith in a way that might not otherwise be possible.

I left the second group knee deep in pencils, books, and craft pieces to head over to a local free clinic where the next group of volunteers were beautifying the grounds. 

Although the rains came and went, they managed to plant and mulch, bringing beauty to an area dominated by concrete and asphalt.

The next stop was the warehouse facility of an organization that primarily champions the needs of single parent families. Among the many services they offer, they provide a food pantry that includes much needed items like diapers. Volunteers sorted the diapers by size and bagged them up 25 at a time. After making quick work of that task, they moved on to a second one. 

Two of the projects had to be cancelled because of the weather, so my last stop was at a local park where a team bagged trash. They remarked how they felt God's presence as He held up the rains while they worked, then even sent a garbage truck by to pick up the trash, just as they finished! I love that God is always in the details.

Seven years ago, I was obedient to the prompting of the Spirit. I knew God wanted us to move beyond the walls of our church and into the community. I had no idea how, but God led the way. Through this outreach and many others, He continues to impact lives years later. I may have been the first person at the helm of CommunityConnections, but it successfully continues on without me because it was never me who was in charge.

What is He prompting you to do today? Don't brush aside the nudge. It's been said that God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. You can be part of the miracle He's doing or you can miss the blessing. I'm glad I jumped on board and I'm excited for those who have heeded the call since He moved me on.

Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21.

Adventures in Community Outreach: Seeds of Love

In my Adventures in Community Outreach posts I've shared some of my experiences with single day outreaches or short-term, large scale projects broken down into small group activities.

Today's offering is a little different. How We Can Sow Seeds of Love, a guest post on Circlesoffaith.org, is about a longer term commitment. It's also about trusting God's leading when you feel the prompting of His Spirit - even if you don't think you have the needed gifts to complete the task

"I'm not a gardener. Over the years I've put the occasional tomato plant in the ground with mixed results. I have a black thumb when it comes to house plants. But despite my lack of expertise, the idea took hold in my heart - I knew it was from God."

Join me here for the rest of the story about the little donation garden that grew...

The Long Way to the "Big Way"

As a young girl, I’d never heard of “God-sized dreams”, but knew in my heart God would use me in a big way. 

At 13, my aunt gave me a journal with this inscription “God blessed you with a creative writing talent. Whether it will be something that will serve just to give you pleasure or become something that will truly get your name in “important” print (for many to enjoy) only time will tell. You, however, with God’s help and guidance should develop your ability as much as possible.”

I filled that journal with poems and stories, but even more than writing, I loved singing.

So in college, I was sure that performing was the “big way” I’d be used.

Why do we think Almighty God…The One who created US…THE Dream Giver…needs help to chart our course?   

But I was 18 and knew everything.  Until I knew nothing...

The Long Way to the "Big Way" is the guest post at God-sized Dreams today...won't you join me there to learn the rest of the story?

Adventures in Community Outreach - A Day of Service Part 2

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my church's Spring outreach which will take place June 1st...Central Cares Day.  I gave some background on how the idea evolved and the names of the organizations we'll be serving.

Today I wanted to provide more information on the nuts and bolts of how to put something like this together. 

First, last and always...pray.  Every outreach we've taken on has been a God-sized dream and they keep getting bigger.  Because they are so far out of the realm of our limited ability, at some point in each outreach, I begin to listen to the voices of fear in my head.  This time, I confess, I even considered canceling on a few projects because I worried there were not sufficient volunteers.  But when God is in the planning you have to trust that no matter how big the outreach seems, no matter how impossible it feels, He will be faithful to provide everything you need because it was His idea in the first place!  And so He has.  All work sites are a go as volunteers have poured in during the past few days.

Second...ask.  Because we've been working with service organizations like Dress for Success, The Salvation Army, Habitat for Humanity and the like, we had some connections already.  But a simple internet search and poll of those we know turned up many more non-profits and social service organizations to contact.  We also spoke with the superintendent of an inner city school system and an urban church.  It is rare to encounter a group willing to turn down free labor.

For the most part, I obtained a contact name and sent an email saying we had groups of people willing to do tasks such as painting, minor repairs, light landscaping, serving a meal, interacting with residents/clients, etc. and asked if they had any needs that would fit the bill.  I also explained we had set aside Saturday June 1st from 9-12 to perform the tasks.

Third...collect information.  When I received a positive response, I sent a form with basic questions like "Type of project?(painting, repair, landscaping, etc)", "How many volunteers needed?", "What tools can be provided?  What tools need to be supplied?", "Minimum age for volunteers?", and "How will the project benefit your organization and the community?" I also asked for the project address, a jpeg of their organization logo, and a contact name and number for the day of the event.

I took some time to visit most of the work sites to take pictures and see first hand what was needed.  In the case of several of the larger projects, the leaders also visited the site in advance of the project to make their own observations and plan out pre-event prep.

Fourth...budget.  We were blessed to have a donation made to our ministry for use toward the purchase of supplies, however we also solicited local home improvement stores for donations of paint, mulch, trash bags and the like.  One of the three stores contacted will be helping us.  I'm working with local store managers, but typically, donations have to come through a corporate office via their web site so putting in a request a minimum of 90 days in advance is recommended.

Fifth...recruit. Once we had a general idea of how many people would be required to cover all the work sites, we needed to advertise and recruit for volunteers.  Because this outreach is so comprehensive, we created a booklet to provide potential volunteers with all the information. Our designer took the information we gathered and created a layout which arranged outreach opportunities by age.  This helped volunteers with children to narrow down choices at a glance.  Again, we're blessed by having a congregant who does amazing design work for us for free...the design at the top of this post is her creation and appears not only on all our materials for the event, but also on the t-shirts we will wear that day. She was also responsible for the Free Market signage and t-shirt designs.

Recruitment was done in stages.  First, we personally invited those we thought would be a good fit for leadership roles at each site.  Next, we handed out the brochure to congregants and explained the event.   We provided a sign up form in the back of the booklet as well as a link to a free online service we highly recommend called "Volunteer Spot".

Having a pastoral staff that supports the outreach is very important.  Often when we have church-wide outreaches, the sign up phase is the culmination of a sermon series on a subject that ties in to the purpose of the outreach. The volunteer sign up allows our church to take what they've learned and put it into practice.  Service has really become part of the DNA of our church!

In addition, we use social media to "advertise" the event.  Those photos I took were posted on our Facebook page along with a description of the project and the link to Volunteer Spot.  The pictures of the work site and project details were helpful to some who needed more than just a written description to visualize the need.  We also encouraged those who weren't part of the congregation to join us.  As a result, friends, family, neighbors and co-workers of attendees will be part of the day.  I have found that people want to help - you just have to show them how and give them an opportunity.

Sixth...details.  I won't lie to you...when we took on this event, I thought it would be easy because we didn't have to come up with the project ideas or do things on our property.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  There are a million details in the coordinating and I have an incredible team of people to help tie up those loose ends.  Details include everything from shopping for supplies to coordinating rides and everything in between.

Seventh...giving thanks. One thing multiple outreaches have taught us is that when many people are part of the effort, not everyone knows/hears all the "God stories".  We will put together a picture presentation with stills and appropriate music that's shown a week or so after the event, but it's just not the same.  This time we are ending the outreach with a meal and time to share the God sightings from the day.  It is my hope that this time of fellowship will allow all those involved to be encouraged as they hear the stories from each of the work sites.  The meal is also a tangible way for us to thank our many volunteers for their time and service.

If you've made it this far, congratulations - that was a lot of information to plow through!  As always, if you desire more information or guidance on how you can bring this type of outreach to your community, just contact me via this blog and I'd be more than happy to provide you with more information.

And stay tuned...Central Cares Day is just a week away.  I will be bringing lots of pictures and stories of the day to this blog in the near future.



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Adventures in Community Outreach - A Day of Service

In addition to my full-time job as Creative Services Director for a radio station, I serve as the Director of Community Connections, the local outreach ministry of my church, Central: a Christ-centered church.  If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that occasionally I write a new entry for the series - "Adventures in Community Outreach".  These posts detail just a few of the different outreaches my church has held over the years, in hopes that you may become inspired to do something similar to reach your community.

Last June, we held a Free Market on our grounds to help those who recently transitioned into their own home from a shelter situation, or who were struggling financially and needed household items.  It was a tremendous undertaking and touched about 300 lives, but we decided it's something to carry out every few years, not annually.  

That meant we needed a new idea this June.  I spent many months praying about what that would look like, and kept coming up empty.  Because my desire was to have our next outreach take place in the community and not on our grounds, we considered doing a health fair at a church we work with in the city.  But although I thought it was the right direction, several doors closed and it was necessary to go back to the drawing board.  That made me very nervous because we had a date of June 1st set aside, and March was rapidly approaching.  One day I may learn that my timing is not God's divine timing!

Because these church-wide outreaches tend to garner 150 - 200 volunteers, I had been stuck on finding a vehicle large enough to accommodate that size group.  Slowly, through a number of encounters, God shifted my thinking, and "Central Cares Day" was born.

Central Cares Day will take place June 1st from 9 til noon.  Groups of 5, 10, or 20 people will meet for a time of prayer and encouragement before going out to perform practical acts of service at the 16 sites we've identified throughout our county:

The Salvation Army, Habitat for Humanity, Mercer Street Friends (a food bank), Choice One (a crisis pregnancy center), The Arc Mercer County (a group home), Morris Hall (a nursing home), CareTrenton.org (a group dedicated to cleaning the streets of Trenton), UIH (strengthens families by working with dads), Henry J. Austin (a health clinic), Cadwalader Learning Center, 3 homeless shelters, 3 elementary schools. and 2 community centers.

The help we will provide will be as diverse as the organizations themselves...from art projects and entertainment, to housekeeping and administrative work, from light landscaping and serving a meal to painting and repairs.  Besides wanting to positively impact our community by putting hands and feet on our faith, we sought out things that could be done by a variety of ages and abilities so that all who wanted to participate, could.  We have several locations where families even with young children can participate together, some appropriate for 12 and up and some that are for adults 18+. 

The logistics have boiled down to this...each location will provide a contact person who will be onsite while we're working, and we will identify a team leader on our end for each project.  In this way, communication can be established prior to the work being done.  The group can go in fully prepared to perform the task at hand.

An army of volunteers - 291 - will be needed for Central Cares Day.  But if your church has a smaller congregation you can still organize something similar.  Simply begin with fewer sites, or, as I hope will occur in years to come with our "Cares Day", organize several churches in your area to work together to achieve the goal!

One of the other exciting facets of this outreach is how we plan to wind things up.  After all the groups have served at their site for the 3 hours, they will gather back together at our church where we will have a time of testimony and fellowship over a picnic lunch.  So often when we hold these large outreaches, we know what has happened in our little section of the event, but we don't hear all the other stories and encounters.  We usually pull together a video of stills, but it's not the same.  By coming together for a meal and time of sharing, we will get to learn how God has taken each one of these small outreaches to create a large impact all over our county.  

Of course, in order to have all this happen, we need a few more teams of volunteers behind the scenes - my ministry team is invaluable in putting together the details, helping sign up volunteers, and more, we need those willing to prep and serve the food, set up and take down  the meal portion of the event, provide childcare for the smaller children who can't help, and most importantly, a prayer team who covers the entire event in prayer!

We are already being blessed as several organizations have sought to meet to discuss an ongoing partnership with our church.  And then there are those crazy little detail Godincidences like the yard sale where I found 82 pairs of work gloves for a fraction of the regular price.

Volunteer signups begin this coming weekend, so stay tuned for updates as Central Cares Day approaches.  I'm sure there will be many God-sightings along the way!!

Adventures In Community Outreach - Christmas Edition

It's January, but I can still picture my church all set up for Christmas.  I can hear them too...the excited voices of families entering the Fellowship Mall, eyes wide, taking in their surroundings and anxiously awaiting the opening of our Christmas Store.

This was our "Second Annual Christmas Store", where financially challenged families could purchase new gifts for their children at 90% off.  Months of planning, weeks of shopping, and an entire day of set up was required for this four hour event!

We started with a "tag tree".  Each tag - numbered from 1 to 200 - indicated an age group from PreSchool to 18, a gender, and a price range of $10, $20 or $30.  Congregants signed out a tag, bought an appropriate gift, and returned it to the church with the tag attached to help us keep track.  Many bought extra gifts too.

We also had cash donations which a "buying team" used to purchase items in multiples, filling in the gaps the tags didn't cover.  When all was said and done there were between 800 - 1,000 gifts purchased for the main store where the parents shopped for their children and the Santa's workshop where kids shopped for parents and siblings.

While parents paid roughly 10 cents on the dollar - items like footballs and Barbies cost $1 while bicycles and mp3 players ran them $4 -  children ages 5 and up shopped in the Santa's Workshop with specially made "Christmas Dollars".  All items in both stores were gift wrapped free of charge, and the littlest family members were supervised in the nursery.

When the parents finished their shopping, they came back down to Fellowship Mall for breakfast, or lunch, or just a cup of coffee while they waited for their gifts to be wrapped and brought to the holding area.  It was a nice time to sit and chat with others, fill out a card for a soldier overseas, or wait their turn to have a family portrait taken.  We were blessed to have a professional photographer set up in one of the classrooms, taking 5x7 pictures which were printed out and framed on the spot and given as a free gift to our guests.  Several said it was the only family picture they had.

The two most important rooms we had were our prayer rooms.  In one room, there were about a dozen prayer warriors who prayed for our guests as well as for the staff of volunteers during the entire event.

In a second room, a husband and wife team made themselves available to any guest who desired prayer.  A number of people took advantage of the prayer room where it was said the spirit of the Lord was evident as requests were shared and tears were shed.

When all was said and done, we had 167 volunteers serve 90 families.  More than 50 cards were filled out and mailed overseas to our troops.  Over 40 family portraits were taken.  Dozens of Bibles were given out.  9 people received individual prayer.  Store sales totaled approximately $1,100.  We donated the funds to our local Salvation Army Drop In Center which serves the homeless population in Trenton, NJ.  Unsold toys were donated to a local organization that works with foster and adoptive families.

So many of the families served expressed their gratitude with hugs, tears, and kind words.  In fact, the director of one sending agency wrote to say that in 22 years she had never heard such wonderful feedback from clients or heard such words of gratitude.  The ripple effects go on and on.

The following weekend, we presented "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and many of the families we served at the store returned to enjoy the show...then returned again to attend Christmas Eve services. 

We never know what our deeds will accomplish.  We pray for guidance in our approach and planning.  We pray that God would be glorified and that lives would be impacted with the love of Christ.  But beyond that, all we can do is plant the seeds.  Sometimes we are blessed to witness the harvest, and sometimes we toil trusting that God takes our sacrifice of time and talent and treasure and uses it to further His kingdom. 

If you would like more information on outreach ideas to impact YOUR community, just ask in the comments below and I'll be happy to contact you.

Adventures in Community Outreach - The Event

In this last installment of the Free Market series, it's time to show the results! To recap, Part 1 explained the whole Free Market concept,and  Part 2 covered some of the nuts and bolts needed to create such a large-scale outreach.

We were in so deep, so far beyond anything we'd tried before, it was obvious from the beginning that God was in control every step of the way.  We trusted Him for the volunteers, for the donations and for the attendees.  We trusted through three days of 90 degree temps and the torrential downpours that lasted into the wee hours of the morning before the event.  By the time we arrived on site, there were no puddles of mud or water, the humidity was broken, the skies were blue and the grass was no more damp than if there had been a heavy dew.

Beginning at 6 am, we unloaded the pods and garage and 'pre-sorted' the items into departments in the parking lot. 

The tent had been set up and tables put out on Wednesday, so it was necessary to wipe it all down.  Still, having set up done ahead of time was very helpful.

Smaller items were placed under the tent, furniture and larger baby items were out in the field.

We thanked God for all He had brought together and for all those in attendance to be blessed.

Cold water and cookies were served to those who patiently waited in line over an hour for our doors to open.

In Part 2, I mentioned that items were marked with a ticket value between 1-8.  Upon entering the welcome tent, each attendee was given 10 tickets to 'spend' as they wished.  They could also help themselves to information on the church and an NIV Bible.


Several smaller pop up tents were set up over the stage (our praise team provided live music), a face painting station, and the food area.  A number of tables and chairs provided a place for attendees to sit, relax, eat and enjoy the entertainment or wait while the children took advantage of the bounce house and big slide.

Some of our guests were happy to pose for pictures with friends and their finds!

Once everyone had time to shop, the Free Market was open to church members and the general public (many of whom had stopped by out of curiousity!)  With about half an hour to go, all ticket values were lifted and people were able to go through a second time to pick up anything else they needed.   We donated anything still left to the Vietnam Vets.

The stories that came out of the day were heartwarming and encouraging.  One man was excited to pick up a computer  for his college-bound daughter.  A woman who also picked up a computer said "you can't tell me Jesus isn't real!"  A grandfather lovingly spent all his tickets on toys and games so when his grandchildren visited, he could be the "fun grandpa."  Tears of joy flowed and laughter filled the air.  One person was overheard saying "I didn't know they'd have NICE stuff!"    At least one family decided to return on Sunday to attend a service. 

When all was said and done, approximately 300 children and adults were served that Saturday in June.  Needs were met and the love of Christ was shared.  Just as importantly, those who served learned that we don't need nearly as much as we possess.  That it is a joy to bless others.  And that when we are faithful with what God places in our hands, He is faithful to multiply it and use it for His Glory.

If your church is interested in planning a Free Market or other community outreach event I would be happy to provide you with more information.  Contact me through this blog or by writing to cc@cbcnj.org.

Adventures in Community Outreach: Part 1 - What is a Free Market?

My writing has been quite limited as of late because my time and efforts have been redirected a bit.  This is the first of a 3-part series about my distraction.  My church has been working on something called a "Free Market".  It's a pretty foreign concept for most.  It's like a traditional flea market with one great big difference.  It wasn't a fundraiser.  No one was selling spaces for people to come and put out their "junk" to sell.  No, a free market means that the goods - new or like new - are all donated and then given away.  For free, no strings attached.

It's an idea that been more than 2 years in the making and about 5 months in the planning.  I've shared the background before, but for those who are unfamiliar, here's a brief synopsis...a little more than 2 years ago, after reading the book "The Externally Focused Church", I went to my pastor and told him about the nagging feeling in my spirit that we were just not involved enough in our community.  The CommunityConnections ministry was born.  I invited 4 or 5 like-minded individuals to form the team and we began with a food drive.  In the past 2 years, the outreaches have gotten larger and more involved: from serving meals at a Salvation Army drop-in center, re-modeling a local Dress for Success office, and adopting a shelter to do an "Extreme Home Makeover" on its 17 bedrooms, to hosting a Christmas store this past December that involved purchasing gifts and allowing those in local shelters to maintain their dignity by choosing and purchasing items for their children at 10 cents on the dollar.

The Free Market was something my pastor had encouraged me to investigate in those early days, but it took two years for God to grow our ministry team to about 15 people, and to have service truly become part of our congregation's DNA.  That's why, when we put out a call for over a hundred volunteers just 3 weeks before volunteer intensive Kids Camp (our VBS program), people still answered the call.  God had prepared their hearts and minds to do what needed to be done.

As the ministry head, I am blessed to work with people who aren't afraid to step up and take the reigns on different outreaches. This time around, Cathy, a woman who's organizational skills know no bounds, stepped up to the plate.  Her previous church had done a Free Market a few years prior and so she was the one to cast the vision to our team and supply the details.  Her former church was several times bigger than our congregation of about 600, and their budget for the outreach was slightly more than double ours, so we needed to tailor the specifics to what our numbers and budget could handle.  For the past 5 months, our ministry team and some additional individuals who joined us specifically for the task at hand, have been working out the details. 

To fully explain the Free Market concept's purpose and goals, Cathy shared a passage of scripture with us.  Deuteronomy 24:19:  "When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back and get it.  Leave it for the alien, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord you God may bless you in all the work of your hands."  People were to harvest their fields in a circular pattern, leaving the corners (as well as any 'overlooked sheaf' from the circular harvest) for those on the fringes of that ancient society - strangers, orphans and widows, so they could survive.  There was nothing less desirable about what was left behind...it was just as viable a crop.  The idea was that God had given them a harvest, but it wasn't to be assumed that it was all for them.  He gave them bounty and they were to share out of that bounty.

The Free Market was rather like a modern day concept of gleaning.  God has been generous to us, so we need to in turn, be generous to others.  A three week sermon series entitled "The Blessed Life" instructed and encouraged the congregation to see exactly what God had put into their hands and what they could do with it.  God doesn't need a lot - He just needs a person who is willing to give what they have for Him to use.  Think David with his sling and a few stones...or Moses and his staff...Shamgar and his ox goad (yes, that's someone in the Bible - you'll just have to research it :)

So that's how it all began...an idea, a vision, some teaching.  In the next installment I'll share about the actual details of planning the event - just in case it's something you'd like to bring to your church.  Trust me, if you do, the harvest of blessings you'll reap will be difficult to contain!

A Journey Through Time: Finding Purpose In Him

So there's this thing called "Random Journal Day".  I was made aware of it a week ago by my friend Dawn at Beneath the Surface, and invited to participate.  I thought about it for days, knowing that many, many entries were of such an intensely personal nature on one particular subject, that it wouldn't be of much help or interest to anyone other than myself to see where the road has led. 

Tonight, I finally sat down and began leafing through page upon page of hand-written thoughts, prayers and emotions.  As I remembered, there was an inordinate amount of logging on a situation that will remain between me, God and those journal pages.  Perhaps if there's ever a day when it works itself out, I'll share the journey to the resolution, but not today.

Today, I share an entry from June 4, 2007.  I had been separated for 5 months, had gone from leading worship at a church of 2,000 to one with a congregation of 20, and had recently escaped a downsizing at work but was putting in 16 hour days. In the midst of all this change and upset, I was reading through Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life.  Each day had a Bible verse and a question posed.  This particular day the verse I read was Colossians 1:16b "Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him."

The question posed  was this:  "In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?"

Herein lies the irony...my profession is that of commercial writer for a radio station.  It is, in fact, my job to convince people that life is indeed all about them.  That they have a need for a service or product that must be met, and that they are worthy and deserving of satisfying that need. 

The response I logged was:  "An interesting question given the 'purpose' of my current profession.  And given all the 'me' questions swirling in my head lately - 'what should I do about my job, my marriage, my church?'  It seems it would all be so much easier to stop thinking about me and concentrate on God.  Not that the questions will disappear, but maybe the answers will come once things are in the proper perspective.  So how DO I remind myself that it's about living for God?  When I sing at Journey (my church at the time) I look out at just 20 people in the congregation, but I'm enjoying leading in worship - I know it's for God - there's no glory in singing in front of such a small group, yet I'm still content to do it.  It's from the heart and an act of worship, it's not about me - and that's a good thing...I believe I'm using the gifts He gave me, which is pleasing to Him, but I'm not sure whether they're being used for His purpose for my life.  


I know one answer to the question posed - and probably to several of my own - is that reading my Bible and meditating on what it says as well as daily prayer will help me to remember it's about God and what HE wants to do with me...and not about what I want.  I've gotten what I want before and it led to heartache.  I just need to be willing to put down those desires I think I want and need to be willing to wait and see if it's what He has for me...what will fulfill that purpose?  Will I reconcile?  Remain single?  Find new love?  Pressing questions for me, that when held up in the light of eternity, are so very unimportant.  What is important is how I react, act and handle those situations as they unfold.  The world is watching how Christians behave - they need to see Jesus in me and not me struggling for control over Jesus.  In the end, I want to be like Paul and count it all joy - the trials, the hardships and the good times because they all form who I am and how I interact with my Lord.


Lord, you have promised to take care of me, telling me to be anxious for nothing.  So once again, I make a conscious effort to lay down my fears, concerns, uncertainties and desires, knowing you are sufficient to supply all my needs and that you will never leave me or forsake me - and I in turn will strive to live for you."

Almost 5 years later I have some answers to those 'me' questions I grappled with as well as a new found purpose.  I've been divorced for about a year and a half.  While I know that God hates the dissolution of the marriage vow, there were reasons present which 'covered' the decision to end the union.  I am a healthier, happier, more effective person because of it.  I still don't know if God's will for me is to remain single or if He has a new relationship in my future, but I know that His timing is perfect.  The church I now call home is not the one I was in 5 years ago with just 20 members, however that tiny church plant was the place where I was introduced to my life's purpose.  Community outreach was a huge part of who they were as a congregation and I quickly realized that it was something that spoke to my heart in a powerful way.  I now head up a ministry at my new church called CommunityConnections.  I'm at the same job, but have the help I so desperately needed after the downsizing.  In fact, that job has provided contacts and blessings to help further the work of the outreach ministry.  I've walked through a lot of highs and lows in 5 years, but the Lord has been faithful to His promises to always care and provide for me and He has never left me...and I continue to strive to live for Him.